


Little America

by Ren (mizdarknezz3)



Series: Greenland's Adventures Through Life [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Diapers, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Jealousy, Little America, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, OC centric, Omorashi, Past Character Death, Poison, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Victim Blaming, but no real incest takes place, but theyre minor ocs, glorlified self harm, mentioned incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizdarknezz3/pseuds/Ren
Summary: Greenland discovers America in little space. Then she gets sick but no one is really sure why. Family dysfunction ensues.
Relationships: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), England/France (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy/Greenland (Hetalia)
Series: Greenland's Adventures Through Life [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648750
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter One: Cookie Tantrum

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you're new to my work I'm Ren! This story is an AU to my story A Family Curse. If you had to pick one to read I'd go with A Family Curse since that one has a lot more thought put into it. This is just a self indulgent au where I thought I'd explore some subjects in a safe way to see if they felt right for me. I talked about it on my tumblr and posted a bit of this there at well, and how at first I wasn't comfortable posting this online. But I'm feeling less ashamed of myself for writing this and I worked hard on what I have written so far so I thought I'd post it in case anyone else likes it. In case anyone is worried I have not given up on A Family Curse, I've posted about why it hasn't updated in awhile on my tumblr if anyone is worried. This story is not finished and in all honesty I haven't written it in around a month but it has a good chunk of content for it so I thought I'd start posting it and seeing if inspiration came back. This story covers some very triggering topics so please pay attention to the tags and stay safe! I hope you enjoy.

Greenland had come to expect the unexpected with America. He was always following his youths trends and exploring new things and if he was doing it everyone else should try. But this seemed different. This Greenland had decided was the effect of a spell. Because she had come out of the room she stayed in at America's house and gone downstairs to find him building something with mega blocks wearing a onesie. Now these two things wouldn't have set off too much suspicion in her head by themselves, America was childish. But together it was strange. The more she looked the stranger it seemed. There was a sippy cup on the glass table along with a coloring book and some spilled fat crayons. America was childish but not normally to this extent. The rest of the family was arriving later that day, Greenland had gotten there early to help settle in without the commotion. She had also been hoping to catch up with America a little before he was distracted. But now she wasn't sure what to do. She needed more information on the situation before she could handle it but the only way to get more information was to handle it and talk to America. She could just turn around and head back up stairs. The others could handle it. But if it was something dangerous and she hadn't done anything to help she wouldn't be able to live with herself. In the end America made the decision for her. He turned to grab a green block behind him and spotted her.

"Sissy!" He squealed, his voice was higher pitched than normal. He stood up and rushed over crushing her in a hug. His head was resting on her shoulder and curling into her hair and neck. It burned and the burn was everywhere. America was tall and she was small and it was overwhelming her brain. She wanted to tell him to get off but she was struggling to breathe. Thankfully he let go, mostly, he kept ahold of one of her hands. "Come look at my cool robot, he's fighting a monster! He told her, dragging her over to two block creations. Greenland had no idea which was the monster and which was the robot but she assumed the one he picked up was the robot and the one he was beating was the monster. 

"They're very nice America. Can you tell me how old you are?" It was a strange question to ask a grown man but based on the circumstances she felt she had to. He turned to her after knocking a block off the monster. He smiled wide and held up three fingers. Greenland smiled at him, because young children needed lots of reassurance but inside she was confused, fuming, and regretting being born. This had to be some sort of spell done by England. Some sort of de aging spell. Why would he do that right before a meeting? What did America do to piss him off? Why was it happening when only she was here? Greenland didn't mind children, but taking care of her own brother had never been something she wanted. America was energetic and sensitive as an adult but when he was a child it was so much worse. Not to mention the super strength. She wasn't prepared to deal with this, she didn't take the time to mentally get ready for dealing with children. Not to mention what happened to the last children she had taken care of. 

"Sissy I'm hungry." America told her. 

"Why don't you clean up your toys and I'll make you a sandwich." She told him. 

"Okay!" He shouted and went around taking care of his things and stuffing them in a closet she'd never noticed before. She went to the kitchen and grabbed some white bread and American cheese and put them together. She found the paper plates and put it down on the table. She assumed he'd be thirsty too and got a glass and poured in some apple juice. Then she remembered the sippy cup she had seen. She went out and grabbed it and washed it out before putting the apple juice in it instead. Where America had gotten any of this stuff she wasn't sure. America ran in and began to eat his sandwich and drink his juice with the skill of a toddler, he seemed to possess the motor skills of a three year old as well. He finished his food fast.

"I want cookies!" America announced. Greenland looked around the kitchen cupboards but didn't see any. 

"Sorry buddy I don't think we have any." She told him. Her head had started to pound and she put a hand on the table to help balance. 

"But I want cookies! Cook-ies! Cook-ies!" America began to chant before slamming his fists on the table. Rattling the whole thing and knocking his juice over. His shouting got louder and his pounding harder. Tantrums were not Greenland's specialty. Especially with her head pounding. She tried to calmly tell him to calm down but she couldn't even hear herself. Then one of his hands moved and slammed down onto her own and she did hear the crack of bone and her own screech of pain. She ripped her hand away and tried to get a hold of her breathing and the tears in her eyes. Her hand had already started swelling and turning purple. America hadn't noticed his mistake and was practically screaming for cookies. But then there was another voice.

"Alfred! That is enough!" America slammed down one last time breaking off part of the table. He froze before bursting into tears and apologies, for England. England walked the rest of the way into the room and took the piece of table off America before pulling him into a hug rubbing his back. Despite these sweet motions he glared hard at Greenland. 

"What's got you so upset baby?" England asked very softly. 

"Sissy wouldn't give me any cookies and then I broke the table and now you're mad at me!" America sobbed. Greenland took a moment to check on her hand. She couldn't get her fingers to move on command, trying sent a sharp pain. 

"Shhh, it's okay. You have a backup table downstairs, and I'm not mad. I'll talk to sissy, why don't you go to your room and play?" England told him. America whimpered but nodded and went upstairs. England watched him go and sighed before heading towards the table.

"Can you help me get this downstairs?" He asked. 

"What did you do to him?" She asked instead. She tried to keep her voice neutral but she was straining to keep the pain out. England blinked at her before sighing again.

"Why do you always blame me? I didn't do anything. Now help me with this table. We need to get it downstairs and the other one upstairs." England ordered.

"America thinks he's three years old right now, why would that happen except for magic?" She asked him and tried lifting the table with her one good hand. It was hard and made breathing a chore. 

"It’s not really my place to explain to you what's going on. Talk to America about it in private later. Use both hands, you're not that strong." England went on.

"America broke my hand." She answered and England dropped his end of the table almost making her drop hers. She set her end down gently while England rushed around the table and grabbed her hand. She sucked in a breath at the pain of his man handling but didn't complain. 

"Damnit Greenland you should have told me from the start, we need to wrap this and put some ice on it. I would have put Alfred in time out if I'd known." England went on going over to a cabinet and pulling out a first aid kit. He took out the bandages and wrapped her hand. Then he went to the freezer and got an ice pack out. "Go upstairs and rest, I'll take care of this. I'll send Alfred to apologize later." England told her, and while she didn't like being told what to do, her head was beginning to bother her more and her hand had started throbbing. She went up the stairs and into her room. She sat on her bed and tried to figure what had just happened in the last half hour. America was under the impression that he was three years old, but England seemed quite serious about it having nothing to do with magic. She got on her phone and looked up why someone would suddenly think they were a child again. After some searching she came to the conclusion that America was age regressing. It was a coping mechanism for stress. She supposed it was a much better coping mechanism than she had. 

As she scrolled through her phone a rush of dizziness hit her and she closed her eyes and squeezed her hand around her phone. She laid down and curled her legs up to her chest. Something was wrong, but she didn't know what and wasn't in a position to figure it out. Hopefully it wouldn't get worse.


	2. Chapter Two: Ill Nation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America goes to check on Greenland to find her sick and with a broken hand. He feels bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Another chapter is here! I have fifteen chapters of this story prewritten and some of chapter sixteen written but that's all and it is not finished. I will warn that this story is very different from A Family Curse in a writing style, every chapter is a different perspective and I was originally writing each chapter as a text through my phone so the lengths of chapters will vary. The major themes however will stay the same just with the addition of more romantic focus on with some of the ships and the addition of age regression with America. If any of you read these past few chapters and were wondering why I would feel uncomfortable posting when the other major themes of this story (self harm and suicide, please stay very aware that those are major themes in this story and stay safe) are seen as much more sensitive and I really don't have any problems posting content with those, there is a long answer and a short answer. The short answer is, I am very, very uncomfortable with things of a sexual nature in relation to me. And sometimes even if the age regression is written in a non sexual manor people can take it sexually. The long answer is I don't know how I think and feel about age play and this was my exploration of it in a writing manor to try and work out how I feel about it. Did I come to a conclusion? No. No I did not. Did I instead write about things I'm more comfortable with that I probably shouldn't be more comfortable with? Yes, yes I did. Was I terrified of posting this because I've seen people talking about and hating on people who write age play and telling them not to interact with them? Yes. But I've also come to the conclusion after talking about it with my therapist and friends that what I like to read about does not determine if I'm a good or bad person, and what I write about does not make me a good or bad person. And if someone thinks it does, I probably didn't need to hang out with them anyway. And I worked hard on this and tried new things and I think people might enjoy reading it, so I'm sharing. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

America was teetering the line between big and little. The week-long meeting was starting tomorrow, so he needed to be big. But the meetings were awful, people were so mean to him. No one cared, no one stopped them, hell most of his family participated in the insults. This led to him feeling very little. The only person who knew about his regression was England, who had caught him twenty years ago. England had been confused and slightly elated but after America was big again he explained and England decided that when it was possible he would take care of little America, who preferred to be called Alfred. It slightly improved America and England's relationship, but mainly only when America was little. Big America still annoyed the crap out of England. This disconnect made America uncomfortable but he'd take what he could get. 

But England wasn't the problem right now, Greenland was. Greenland had seen Alfred. He had been dumb when he was little and had assumed Greenland wouldn't come downstairs for the rest of the night and brought his toys to play there. England was supposed to have been coming soon and he had just wanted to be there to greet his daddy. He would have been back to his room before Canada and France came over. But. Greenland did come downstairs, and she tried to take care of Alfred. America had never really pictured Greenland as a children person, she wasn't really an any people person. But she had been nice and calm. It had been nice, until he threw a tantrum. Gosh that was embarrassing. England had come up to check on him earlier, Canada and France had arrived, England had told them he and Greenland were not feeling well. Greenland hadn’t come out of her room since the incident, England apparently hadn't told her anything besides the fact that it wasn't a spell. So he had to explain and hope that she wouldn't tell the rest of the world and reject him. It wouldn't be so hard if his head wasn't so foggy. Part of him just wanted to rush into her room to show her the crayon drawing he had done of them together as an apology for being bad. But he had to be big. So he had changed into his adult pajamas (that were still extra soft) and went to Greenland's door. He considered knocking but they might hear that downstairs so he just risked it and opened her door. The sight wasn't what he was expecting. Normally one would open the door and find Greenland at her desk writing or typing, sometimes she would be sitting up on the bed doing something on her phone. But what he walked in on made his stomach sink. Greenland was curled into a small ball with one hand covering her ear and the other laying limp far from the rest of her body with an ice pack over it. He closed the door and went over to the bed. 

"Greenland?" He asked. The room was darker, the only light coming from the moon seen through the window. Still he could see her brown eyes open and how watery they were. That really wasn't a good sign. "What's wrong Greenland?" He asked, trying to talk a little softer but he could still see her tense at his voice.

"Pain." Her voice was a whisper and her hand pressed down harder on her head as she spoke. He assumed it was a bad headache, but then the ice pack should have been on her head, so he picked up only to see her hand wrapped and swollen.

"What happened to your hand?" He asked.

"An accident. He didn't mean to." She answered shifting and pressing her hand to her forehead instead of her ear. America wasn't sure what accident could have hurt her hand this badly, until he remembered his tantrum. He had broken the table, her hand would have been even easier. He felt tears well up in his eyes and his hands rubbed at his shirt trying to gain some sort of comfort. His mind was screaming, he couldn't regress now, little America wasn't helpful, he'd just make things worse if he was little. But he had hurt his Sissy, and he hadn't even apologized! He was bad! He rushed out of her room and into his own and grabbed his drawing and some of his stuffed animals before rushing back to her room.

"I'm really, really sorry Sissy! I made you a drawing, and I brought some friends to make you feel better." His voice had gone higher pitched and his r's were becoming w's. Greenland's entire body had tensed and a tear did fall but nevertheless she smiled at him and very slowly sat up. She shook badly trying to support herself until she was completely leaning on the headboard. Very slowly she reached out and took the drawing. 

"It’s very nice America." She told him and part of him beamed at the praise but the rest of him couldn't stop feeling worried. 

"This is Rocco the raccoon, he's really brave and will fight off mean thoughts for you." He said putting Rocco by her hip. "And this is Lisa, she's a bunny and she's really fast so she can help you feel motivated." He said placing the white plushy by the raccoon. "And this is Artie, he's a unicorn and he heals people with his magic horn. He'll make you feel better in no time!" He told her placing Artie on her shoulder. "I'm really sorry I hurt you sissy..." he said again.

"It's okay America. Thank you for helping me. Can you put the drawing on the desk, so I don't crinkle it?" She asked and he nodded, taking the drawing and setting it on the empty desk. 

"I could get one of my book readers and we could listen to a story to help you fall asleep, that's what Daddy does for me when I feel sick." He told her.

"Okay, just not too loud." She answered, he could see beads of sweat trailing down her face. He'd need to get Daddy soon. He went back to his room and grabbed his cd player and one of his read along books and went back to her room. They listened to Green Eggs and Ham and other Doctor Seuss books for a while. Greenland seemed to have fallen asleep and Alfred was on his way there when there was a knock on the door. He recognized the knock as his Daddy's. He rushed over and opened the door.

"America, what are-" he stopped as he got a full look around the room and heard what was playing. "Alfred, what's going on?" He asked instead.

"Something is wrong with Sissy." He told daddy. England frowned and went over and put a hand on her forehead. He ripped away his hand.

"She's burning up... I'll go get a cool washcloth for her, then we'll need to dress you properly, alright?" Daddy asked and Alfred nodded.

"I want to sleep with Sissy." Alfred said. England hesitated for a moment before sighing.

"Okay. But I'll be checking on you early in the morning. You must be careful with Gree- Sissy. No squeezing or grabbing her." Daddy told Alfred and he nodded enthusiastically. He'd bring Mr. Cuddles to squeeze. Daddy left and came back and placed a wet cloth over Sissy's forehead and led Alfred back to his room. Daddy helped undress him and they went to the changing pad to put him in his night time underwear and footie pajamas. He grabbed Mr. Cuddles and they went back to Greenland's room. America went to the other side of the bed that Greenland was on and England sat at the chair at the desk and opened up Charlotte's Web. They turned off the cd player and England began to read chapter four. Alfred felt himself dozing off soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Have a great day and stay safe out there :3


	3. Chapter Three: Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is getting progressively worse and America is stuck in little space. England is doing his best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three is here and it's pretty short, sorry about that. It's from England's perspective and we jump ahead a few days. From here this is where the prevalent self harm theme starts up. I really like writing little America. He's cute in my opinion. There's quite a few characters tagged in this story that won't become relevant until later chapters. And by later they only really start appearing a bit by chapter thirteen. At that point they'll become more relevant main characters, but really the main people going to be focused on in this story are Greenland and America with a Romano subplot and a Canada/Prussia subplot. Spain, Germany, and North Italy are there for those subplots. England and France are also important and will remain important throughout the story but the focus is less on them. Sorry if my tags led you astray, I'm still working on doing those to the best of my ability. I hope you enjoy reading this and I'd love to hear your thoughts below!

To say England was stressed was an understatement. He was fine taking care of Alfred, and he had nursed sick nations before, but doing two at once all the while trying to keep Alfred's secret was difficult. Not to mention he couldn't figure out why Greenland was sick but all he knew was it was getting worse. France and Canada had agreed to take notes for the three of them which was nice, but the two were starting to push more about wanting to see the two "sick" nations. England wouldn't mind letting them see Greenland but Alfred seemed to have no intention on leaving her side. And Alfred seemed to be stuck. He had missed a bit of a meeting before from being stuck in little space, but it had been three days and he had barely been big at all. He was stressed about Greenland and the meeting and it seemed to be making it impossible for him to stay big. Greenland to England's surprise was very good with Alfred, at least at first. Now though she had moved to being partly delirious. She wasn't making any sense when she spoke. She kept going on about being trapped, talking to people who weren't there, and at times just screaming bloody murder. It was stressing Alfred out more, her lack of response, and England was starting to wonder if he should call a specialist. What was starting to concern him more was Greenland's weakness. She couldn't stand without help. She had started vomiting everything she ate. Even with help she barely could make it to her destination, which at this point was just the toilet. And she wouldn't let anyone into the bathroom with her. More than once he had found her collapsed on the bathroom floor afterwards, unable to make it to the door. England couldn't stay awake forever and she wasn't there enough to tell him when she needed to go half the time. He was worried she'd have an accident soon and that would be a bitch to deal with. So he came up with a solution. America had plenty of diapers, some were one size fits all. If Greenland would wear one it wouldn't matter if she had an accident. He changed America all the time. So he waited until she woke up that day to bring it up with her. He explained his reasoning and made sure to sound as calm as possible.

"No." She said, before vomiting into the bucket beside her bed. Alfred was coloring on the floor by the window. England had to tread carefully, America could be sensitive about his diaper wearing and Greenland wasn't really in the mind to be sensitive. 

"Greenland please, it's just in case. You've been getting worse, you can't stand, and I won't be here all the time. What will you do when I'm cooking lunch?" England pushed.

"No." Greenland said again.

"Why?" England gritted out unable to keep his frustration in check.

"I said no!" Greenland snapped.

"That's not a reason! Use your words!" England snapped right back.

"No! It's mine!" Greenland responded and England held in a sigh. She wasn't making sense again. How was he supposed to have a reasonable conversation with someone who wasn't fully there.

"Please Greenland, you haven't changed your clothes in days, they're soaked in sweat. When we put this on we can change you into something more comfortable, something cooler."

"No, no, no! I don't want you to see!" Greenland shouted, her voice raspy, her hand coming up and pushing on her head.

"Well who are you comfortable with seeing? You need help from somebody." England said trying to keep his frustration out of his voice. There was stubborn and there was Greenland. He had seen her naked plenty of times, he had bathed her and dressed her when she was little.

"No one! It's mine!" Greenland answered, grabbing her hair and pulling.

"Greenland you need help! This will help you! You don't want to piss in your bed, underwear, and pants do you?" England tried.

"No! It's mine! It's mine! I need it- I can't- I have to-" she broke off into a cry and ripped her hair out. England set the diaper down and went over to move her hand but she pulled away like he had burned her and practically punched herself in the face putting pressure on her head. 

"Greenland enough." He told her but she started beating her head with her fist. That was another problem that had popped up as she lost touch with the world around her, she kept hurting herself. Ripping, scratching, punching herself. It was scaring Alfred and it was frustrating England. 

"Damnit Greenland enough!" He snapped, grabbing her hard and pushing her fist to the bed. She fought against him but it was weak. It ended with her sobbing hard and England wasn't sure what to do. He let her go and she didn't try again.

"Alfred let's give Sissy some space." England sighed and led Alfred with his crayons and colorings out the door downstairs. The others wouldn't be back for another three hours so they would be safe. England started making lunch and Alfred sat at the dining table quietly coloring.

"Is Sissy going to be okay? Alfred eventually asked as England handed him some chicken nuggets with ketchup.

"She'll get better eventually." England answered. 

"Why is she so angry?" Alfred asked.

"I don't know, don't talk with your mouth full." England told him as he ate his own sandwich. 

"Why is she so scared?" Alfred asked.

"Sometimes when you're sick you have a hard time telling what's real. She's probably scared of something in her head." England answered. 

"What do you think she meant when she said it was hers?" Alfred asked.

"It probably had nothing to do with what I was asking. She's very confused right now." England answered.

"If she doesn't know what's going on why did you ask?" Alfred asked.

"Consent is important, especially with bodies, and though I really do think she'd be better off changed I don't want to cross any boundaries." England answered. America went on talking about what he had been coloring for the rest of their lunch and England let him go watch some television while he prepared food for Greenland. It was mostly just a very broth soup and saltine crackers. He hadn't been keeping track of the time though and he cursed under his breath when he realized he'd left Greenland alone for over an hour. He rushed up the stairs without the soup and opened the door and felt his heart squeeze. She was on the floor halfway to the bathroom door with a puddle of vomit by her mouth and a damp carpet and pants. She was sobbing weakly to herself and shaking to the point that it was like she was in her own earthquake. 

"Oh Greenland..." he came over and picked her up bridal style and carried her into the bathroom and set her on the toilet. With a few quick words the carpet in her room was clean and thankfully the spell hadn't set anything on fire. He wasn't willing to risk that with her clothes and she needed a bath anyway. He knew she'd be uncomfortable with him helping her but at this point he had no choice, he couldn't just leave her in piss soaked clothes. He started with her shirt and though she protested she wasn't able to fight, she also wasn't able to help. It was a slow process and once he finally got the damn long sleeves off he realized why she hadn't wanted this, her arms were covered in scars and scabs that looked old and new. They would need to talk about that later, but he knew now wasn't the time. He worked her pants off and threw them in the sink and if he thought her arms had been bad her legs were so much worse. He felt like his heart was breaking but he took a deep breath and continued. He got her socks, bra, and underwear off and left her sobbing quietly on the toilet while he started the bath. He kept it cool based on her fever and let it fill up before placing her inside. He hadn't let it fill up too much since she wasn't really using her weight to keep herself above water. She laid shivering in the bath, her eyes fluttered closed. She seemed completely out of it at this point which at least made his job a little easier. He took a washcloth and covered it in soap and began to gently scrub her skin. He made sure to get between her legs so a rash wouldn't form (who knew how long she had been laying there) and tried to be as unobtrusive as possible to wash her hair. He let the water drain and got a towel and wrapped her in it and dried her off. He carried her to the bed and got the diaper and put it on her. He went through her bag to find some comfortable clothes but all she had were tight long sleeves and pants. So he went to America's room and grabbed a large t-shirt and baggy sweatpants and dressed her. She was mumbling under her breath and her head was turning about but England couldn't make anything out. He pulled her to the pillows and put a fresh cloth on her head. He cleaned out her bucket and began cleaning her clothes. 

"Daddy you forgot the soup, its cold now." Alfred said, coming into the bathroom.

"I'll warm it up when she wakes up. Thank you Alfred." England sighed, unable to keep the tiredness out of his voice.

"Is Sissy okay?" Alfred asked.

"I don't think so Alfred. But we'll help her." England said looking at his clear arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought if you want to, I'd love to hear it. Have a fantastic day and stay safe!


	4. Chapter Four: Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America wakes up in the middle of the night to find Greenland standing by the window. He does his best to help her get back in bed and back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter even though it's short. Spoilers for the ending of The Mother of Many which I haven't finished yet still, but A Family Curse already spoiled it as well as the tags so eh. That story is actually very important to this story but uh writing is hard and the details of that will come way later. A common theme of my writing, everything becomes important later xD. But hey! We finally get to hear from Romano this chapter!! The poor man. Hope you enjoy his confusion!

America woke up still feeling the fuzziness of being little but with the worries and cares of an adult. He took a moment trying to recall as much as he could of what he missed and it mostly came in bits in pieces. It had been days for one, he had been missing the meeting. For two, Greenland was really sick. It only really came in flashes but he remembered her screaming, not making sense. Talking to people who weren't there, the only name he had recognized was South Italy. Sometimes she had looked right at him and tried to reassure him that the bad man was dead, which had freaked him out when he was little but mostly concerned him now. He sat up and felt his night time underwear squish. He tried to ignore the shame and embarrassment burning in his stomach and took stock of the room. England was asleep at the desk and Greenland was not next to him in bed. Looking around he saw her leaning against the window, shaking like a leaf. Her arms were out and illuminated by the moon showing off all the scars. He'd asked about them but England had said it was something to talk to Greenland about when he felt bigger. And now he knew why. He hadn't really ever thought about why Greenland always wore long sleeves and pants and skirts, she just had for so long. She never went swimming. The problem was, it had been like that as long as he could remember. The last time he could remember her wearing short sleeves was when they all lived at England's when she was wearing a nightgown. It was unsettling to think that this could have been going on for hundreds of years. Still he pushed that aside and slowly approached Greenland. 

"Hey Greenland, we should probably get you back to bed." He told her as softly as he could.

"We have to get out." She responded. Her speech was slurring slightly and she pressed her face to the glass.

"You want to go outside?" He asked, trying not to assume the worst.

"He'll never let us go. We have to get out." Greenland answered, curling her fingers to fists and pushing away from the window. He prepared for her to try to move towards the door but instead she tried to just balance in place to pull open the window, she couldn't however do either and pushed herself to the floor. He kneeled down to help her, she seemed disoriented. Then he realized she was staring at her arms. She looked up to him then back down to her arms.

"This is wrong." She mumbled.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"You're not supposed to see. I didn't put this on. I don't know what's going on. I- I don't understand." She rushed out grabbing her hair and pulling. She looked around the room and her eyes settled on England. "It's his fault. He wants me to stay. I don't want to stay. I want to go home." She went on a little louder but got quiet again at the end. 

"You're not trapped Greenland, you're sick. You can go home once you're well again. England won't keep you here, I won't let him." America tried to reassure.

"I'm trapped, I'm trapped in my head. I can't get out. My body doesn't listen to me. I have to get out. I don't know how to get out." Greenland went on, almost as if she hadn't heard America.

"You just have to rest, you'll get better with time. You'll be let out with time." He tried going with her metaphor to see if that would help.

"I don't have time. I have to go to the meeting and take notes and write my report and check on South Italy- South Italy. I have to talk to South Italy. I have- my phone- I haven't checked my phone. What if he's dead?" Greenland pulled harder on her hair and was rocking slightly. 

"Greenland it's okay, he's okay. Canada and France will share their meeting notes and Romano is completely fine." America tried to reassure. Greenland seemed to at least be rooted in reality but she was acting strange. 

"I have to talk to him, I have to make sure he's okay." Greenland said nodding to herself before trying to get up and falling to the floor. America caught her before she could fully collapse and helped her make her way to the bed. Her skin was hot to the touch still. He sat her up on the bed and spotted her phone on the nightstand. He handed it to her and she stared at it uncomprehending for a moment before perking up and turning it on and unlocking it. He watched as she swiped through for a minute until she had found what she wanted. Instead of putting the phone to her ear she set it on the bed. It rang for a moment before a grumpy shout came through.

"Who the fuck is calling me at three in the morning?!" America was pretty sure she hadn't put the phone on speaker yet he heard everything loud and clear.

"I had to make sure you're alive because I haven't checked my phone and if you had texted I wouldn't have known and it would have been my fault and then you'd be gone and I'd be alone and I don't want to be alone." Greenland cried and America wanted to hug her but he knew she had been rejecting touch. But she had started sobbing in earnest which was not normal Greenland behavior.

"Woah, woah slow down. Greenland? What's going on, that pervert said you were sick?" Romano asked.

"I'm sick in the head, I'm trapped in my mind. My body doesn't listen to me. No one listens to me. I'm going to lose everything. He's going to take it away. It's my fault. It's all my fault!" Greenland was getting louder and she managed to wake England up with her last cry. She also seemed to be losing her grip on reality again.

"Greenland, what's going on, who is going to take stuff away from you, what's your fault?" Romano asked, America could hear the panic in his voice.

"Greenland? America? What's going on? England asked as he woke up fully rubbing his eyes.

"I was too late, I stopped the bad man too late and the children died. I killed the bad man but it wasn't enough. I carried his body through the town. No one stopped me. I'm the witch at the top of the hill. I'm the- no not now. I'm not- I need- South Italy- Dont. I need you to not. I need you to not hurt. I don't want to be alone. I'm going to die. I want to die. I'm scared to die. I deserve it. I didn’t save the children. I didn't save you." Greenland went on scratching at her arm. She had gone into full nonsense again. America wasn't sure if he should take the phone and explain to Romano what was going on or if he should try to calm down Greenland but England made the decision for him.

"America grab her arm. I'll talk to Romano." America went into action and went around the bed to pull her arm away, she cried and whined but she couldn't do anything but wiggle. Meanwhile England took the phone that Romano was yelling through.

"Greenland calm down. No one is going to die, what bad man are you talking about? What children? Greenland?" 

"Romano relax, this is England. No one is dying, Greenland has a high fever and has been delusional these past few days. I'm sorry that she woke you up so early in the morning." England stated as calmly as a man who had been woken up by the sounds of a sick delusional woman could be. America stopped focusing on their discussion and back on Greenland. She had stopped fidgeting and was mostly crying quietly to herself. He let go of her arm and it stayed in place. 

"Greenland, it's okay, you heard Romano and you know he's okay." He told her gently, running his fingers through her hair. To his surprise she leaned into his touch. 

"I deserve to die." She whimpered. America felt his heart clench. Out of everyone in his family he hadn't expected Greenland to feel this way. He’d barely expected she felt at all. He felt like an asshole, a shitty brother. Out of everyone in their little family she insulted him the least, and when she did insult him it was normally an accident. She had just been distant. He knew that it wasn't just him, everyone in the family commented on how distant she was. The only person she seemed close to was Romano. He had been annoyed that it was someone outside the family, but now he wondered if it was his fault. He hadn't noticed she was hurting. And he only found out because she was stuck in a helpless situation. 

"No you don't, you're wonderful, amazing! You're one of the most hard working people I know!" He told her.

"I want to die." She said instead. He couldn't keep up his smile. She said it with such finality. None of the desperation from before.

"We want you to live." He told her seriously.

"I wanted my children to live. You don't always get what you want." She responded. Part of him went to brush that off as more nonsense, but it didn't feel like nonsense.

"What do you mean?" He asked instead.

"I went out shopping for the children. England left plenty of money for all of us, and I'd been saving the extra before Ollie came to the house. But the bad man came to rob the house. He encountered the children. They tried to stop him. He fired randomly. I came home to three dead children. So I blew open the bad man's head. I carried his body to the police station. I buried the children in the back yard. I taught the rest how to fight. But England took them away..." Greenland told the story as if it were a dream. It seemed too detailed to be a delusion, but it started to make sense of some of the nonsense she had been screaming about. He bet the memories had been triggered by him being little. He wondered if that's what she meant by being stuck in her head, she was trapped in her memories.

"I'm so sorry that happened Greenland." America told her. Her head fell to his leg and he continued to run his fingers through her hair. 

"I was a bad child and a bad mother. I'm nothing." She mumbled. 

"You're a good sister." He told her. She didn't respond, but he could see her breathing evening out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below if you want to, I'd love to hear it! Stay safe and have a great day!


	5. Chapter Five: Playing Blocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America decides that England needs a break and watches over Greenland by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter in this story, the whole point of writing this story was for Greenland to explore age regressing and, uh, that goal got away from me after a bit. Some day when I come back to this story it'll come back though. I hope ^^; I hope you enjoy!

Alfred was playing with his blocks when Greenland woke up. He hadn’t been able to sleep well last night after the phone call but England still insisted that he lay down. So he had laid there and eventually ended up squeezing Mr. Cuddles. Sissy moved off his leg and curled into a ball on the edge of the bed. England didn’t seem to sleep either, he stayed curled over the desk on his phone. Alfred wasn’t sure when he fell asleep but it was long enough to have an accident which resulted in him having to get changed which England insisted he do. All of which resulted in him feeling little again. So he ate his burnt scrambled eggs and drank his juice before going back to Greenland’s room. He didn’t feel as energetic as he usually did, and as time passed he felt himself teetering between little and big. So when Greenland woke up he immediately dismissed his toys to be by her side. She quickly vomited into her bucket and he grabbed a tissue to wipe her mouth and handed her her water. She could barely keep it in her grip so he helped her. England had fallen asleep at the desk, probably from not sleeping during the night. Greenland coughed and covered her mouth before looking up to him. 

“Ollie?” She asked. America shook his head.

“I’m Alfred!” He announced and berated himself in his mind for being so loud when she winced.

“Alfred… What are you doing Alfred?” She asked. She seemed disoriented but still in reality. 

“I’m playing with blocks, do you want to play?” He asked because he was sure she must have been bored of just sitting around all day. She nodded which slightly surprised him but made him smile wide and he grabbed as many of his blocks as he could and gave her half while he took half. He started building another robot superhero using mostly red and blue. When he looked at Greenland she seemed to be separating the blocks into colors. Then when they were all separated she began to build different creations using one color. It was like she had a little army! It gave Alfred an idea and he took apart his robot and separated his colors and made small castles.

“Look now your people have homes!” Alfred announced. Greenland looked at the boxes and smiled before leaning over to place her people into their homes. Happy with this story it made America want to create so he got off the bed and grabbed his crayons and paper and went back to the bed and started to draw the red and green kingdoms working together to fight against the yellow kingdom. Greenland was moving the little people she made across her legs back and forth as if they were walking and talking. Her lips were moving but no sound was coming out. About halfway through his drawing England shot up in his seat and knocked himself and the chair to the floor. America turned and looked at him. England’s hair was a mess and he hadn’t changed his clothes in two days, which was not normal for him. Daddy must have been very stressed. America needed to be big. He got off the bed and offered England a hand. He took it grumbling and looked at the scene in front of him. Before looking at America.

“How old are you?” He asked.

“Old enough to tell you need a shower and to sleep in a bed.” America answered, hoping England wouldn’t notice that he had dodged the question. He felt the pull to slip back down, to just play games and to depend on England to fix his problems. He wasn’t in a state to go to the meeting, the stress would cause him to regress immediately, but he probably could take care of Greenland for a few hours. England rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair and frowned before sighing. He looked America in the eye.

“Are you sure you can watch her for a few hours? If it’s too much I can handle it.” England told him.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine! She seems pretty calm today anyway. Look,” he told England and the shorter man looked over to see Greenland mumbling under her breath while shaking two blocks. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment but he relaxed slightly and looked back to America.

“If she starts panicking, get me right away okay? And make her some soup at some point, she’ll probably vomit most of it up but it’s good to get something in her stomach. And make sure she keeps drinking, she’s been avoiding it lately.” England listed off.

“Dude I got it, go take care of yourself before you get sick yourself.” America groaned and pushed the British man out of the room. England sputtered all the way until America shut the door in his face. He turned back to Greenland who was still playing with the blocks. 

“So Greenland, what do you want to do today?” He asked, coming over and sitting on the side of the bed. Part of him wanted to finish his crayon drawing but he ignored it. Greenland looked up at him and paused to stare. 

“I want to give Pavia a wife.” She stated. America struggled to keep his smile up, he had hoped that she would have a better handle on reality today. But maybe what she was saying was based on reality, just not what was happening now?

“Who is Pavia?” He asked. She lifted up the red block that she had made before. He blinked. She seemed to be really into playing blocks.

“Hmm, well why not that blue fella?” He suggested. She looked down at the red block and blue block. 

“I don’t think Matthew is a good match, he’s already married to Gilbert.” She said and America could not hold in his laugh, but he tried to disguise it as a cough. 

“Who is Gilbert?” He asked and she held up the yellow block.

“Well what about the green block?” He asked. Greenland frowned and looking closer America noticed that the green block and house were cut off from the rest of the blocks.

“She’s bad. She doesn’t get anyone.” Greenland stated, almost sounding like her normal self. America hummed and tried to ignore the bad vibes he got from that. 

“Well, would Pavia ever consider dating a bunny?” America asked and Greenland seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding. America went on the other side of the bed and grabbed Lisa and handed her to Greenland. Greenland took the bunny and set the blue block beside her.

“Lisa…” Greenland whispered, staring at the bunny. “I want  Ukaleq.” She said, suddenly looking at America with big brown eyes.

“Who is that?” America asked, swallowing. He didn’t recognize the name and it sounded Greenlandic. Which meant it was probably a human, and the last phone call he let her have was disastrous and distressing for everyone involved.

“He’s my friend and he’s all alone. He’s too old to travel, he’ll tear, I left him in bed, but now I’m worried he’s lonely. It’s been so long since he’s seen another friend, I bet he would want to meet Lisa.” Greenland went on and America tried to go through her words carefully to make sense of it. 

“Is Ukaleq a stuffed animal?” America asked and Greenland nodded with watery eyes. He wasn’t used to her being this emotional still. He was also surprised that Greenland of all people still had a stuffed animal. He didn’t picture her the type. “Well when you’re better you can go buy him a new friend! And at some point if you want I could come to your house and bring my friends and they can meet him.” America tried to cheer her up. He hadn’t ever been to Greenland’s house but maybe after this she’d invite him. 

“Okay… Do you want to see Ukaleq?” She asked.

“Do you have a picture?” He asked. Her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at the nightstand where her phone had been (England had confiscated it) before shaking her head.

“I could draw him?” She suggested and America nodded and got her some paper and the crayons. Her hands were shaking and she moved slowly making the circle she drew very squiggly. America wondered if the endearment he was feeling was how England felt watching him. It was nice to see Greenland so relaxed and expressive. It didn’t really remind him of their childhood, sure back then she was more expressive but she mostly expressed anger. She wouldn’t do anything that England asked of her and was always trying to run away. She was nice to Canada and she wasn’t exactly mean to America but they didn’t get along because of her distaste for England. Even as a child she was always on guard, but right now she didn’t seem too concerned about image or safety. He looked back to her arms, there were too many scars to count. She had been hiding so much throughout her life, her name, her scars, and her emotions. He bet she would be happier if she could let go like she was right now. She handed him the paper and he could at least kinda see a brown bunny. There were a lot of black lines all round him and his eyes were mismatched in size. She had also made his stomach a purple color for some reason. 

“He looks very nice Greenland, what are all those little lines around him?” He asked, he knew he liked being asked questions about his drawings.

“Stitches, he falls apart really easily now. I keep putting him back together.” She answered. Thinking back on it, Greenland did used to have a stuffed toy as a child, he wondered if this was the same toy. “I’m thirsty.” She said suddenly, staring at the glass of water. He handed it to her and once again she couldn’t stop shaking, water spilled over the edge of her lips dripping onto the t-shirt she was wearing. It was his Michigan University shirt. 

“Do you want something that will help you spill less?” He asked hoping that this wouldn’t be going too far and cause her to get offended. She gave him the glass and nodded. He took the glass downstairs and poured it out and pulled out a fresh sippy cup and filled it with filtered water. He brought a packet of saltine crackers with him. He gave her the sippy cup and waited to be snapped at, but it never came. She took it and tried to lift it up to her lips. She used the wrist of her broken hand to help and began sucking. “Make sure to go slow.” He reminded and she nodded. She put the cup down next to her on the bed by the green block person. “I brought you some crackers to try, do you think you could eat a few?” He asked. She looked at the crackers as if they were the devil themself but nodded anyway. He handed her one and she nibbled on it. He decided since this was all seeming familiar and she wasn’t rejecting anything so far. “Greenland how old are you?” He asked. She looked at him and tilted her head. She chewed slowly on the cracker she had in her mouth. 

“I don’t remember my birthday, my real birthday. But England gave me one in the 1600’s. We would celebrate, until America left. I stopped counting. I don’t know.” Greenland said slowly, he watched her eyes lock onto her arm. She stared for a solid minute before closing her eyes and leaning back. At least she had finished one cracker. He wasn’t sure how to take her behavior. She still just seemed very disoriented. He’d talk about it with England later.

“Are you going to sleep Greenland?” He asked and she nodded. “Let’s get you under the covers fully then.” He said brushing the blocks and drawings aside and helping to lift her up to get her under the covers all the way. She curled herself into a ball under the covers and groaned so he ran a hair through her hair. She relaxed further under his touch. He continued until he was pretty sure she was asleep. He picked up the blocks and the drawings and put them away. Then he got on his phone and sat in the desk chair waiting for the next development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below if you want, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Stay safe and have a fantastic day!


	6. Chapter Six: England Yells A Lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland wakes up and is not delusional and tries to argue that she should continue to self harm. No one likes that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even want to reread this chapter to edit it so I'm not, I'm tired of Greenland making this argument, I'm tired of remembering myself making this argument. I'm sad this is the direction the story goes for awhile, I want more cute stuff. Please brain let me write cute stuff.

Greenland awoke with a pounding headache but clear thoughts for the first time in days. Bits and pieces of what had been happening were there, lots of vomiting, not a lot of moving. America stuck in little space and England being annoying and fussy. But she knew she was missing a lot. She remembered being stuck dreaming mostly, seeing her children dying over and over, shooting that man over and over. Her arms itched like crazy from the cold air and every part of her body felt sore. Her mouth tasted like vomit. She looked to the night stand to get a drink of water but only saw one of America’s sippy cups. Her butt felt weird but she assumed it was from the non-stop sitting. The room was empty, there were crayons on the desk along with paper but the blocks were out of sight. She didn’t want to wait for information or to get a drink so she made the slow journey to get off the bed. The covers felt like weights and she wished that her other hand wasn’t broken, if she had simply broken it by falling it would have been usable by now, but because it was broken, most likely in multiple places, by America it would be at least two weeks. It was a sharper pain then the dull aches throughout the rest of her body, other than her stomach which felt like it was being stabbed and the knife was twisted. Standing made her legs shake so violently that she felt it through the rest of her body. It made the nausea worse. She leaned on the bed and took deep breaths. After she felt like she wasn’t going to throw up on the spot she took her full weight into her legs and took it one step at a time to the door and to the stairs. She supposed it would be easier to scooch her way down the stairs but it would make her feel ridiculous. So she turned to the side and grabbed the handrail with both hands (as much as her broken hand could) and started her way down the stairs. She felt dizzy and had to take a break after each step but she made it all the way to the bottom steps. She sat down and gave herself time to breathe.

America was cooking something on a pan. Normally it would smell good but all it did was make her nauseous. England was sitting at the dining table in a fresh button up dark green shirt and wet hair. They were arguing, England shouting and America laughing. Their voices made Greenland’s head pound further and she put her hand on her head to apply pressure. From what she was catching they were arguing about musical theater. Greenland didn’t know much about it, she didn’t care. She was trying to regain enough strength to get up and catch their attention but luckily she didn’t have to as England must have caught sight of her from his squawk.

“Greenland! What are you doing out of bed?” He scolded rushing over to help her sit in her normal chair at the end of the dining table. He went and sat at the other end of the table, which was normally France’s spot, it felt off. 

“I was feeling better and wanted to know if I had missed anything.” She responded. It was hard to talk with a neutral tone. She felt out of breath and she was freezing but sweating. 

“Eh, not much. You were mostly delirious, you called Romano at one point but Artie sorted that out.” America answered, she was able to place the smell of the food as bacon. 

“So there’s nothing important to talk about?” She asked, she knew she was pushing her luck, but she would rather get over talking about her scars as soon as possible. Maybe they wouldn’t even try, she would be fine with that.

“Oh no, we have important things to talk about. Like what the hell you’re doing to yourself.” England said, staring her down.

“I appreciate your concern but this is none of your business.” She said staring right back. Her hands were trembling under her and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She wasn’t sure if it was from the sickness or not. 

“None of my business? You are my daughter and you are hurting yourself. I think that is completely my business!” England snapped. America was cooking, his back to both of them. She wondered why he wasn’t contributing.

“It is my body and it’s my choice what to do with it.” She told him back not giving into the frustration that was coming. She wanted to put her head down but that would show weakness.

“This isn’t about a bloody tattoo! You are slicing open your own skin! You’re giving yourself scars and then hiding them, you obviously know that you’re doing something wrong.” England pushed.

“I am not ashamed of my scars, they’re just for me. If I let other people see them they would misunderstand them and see them as a sign of weakness, just as you have.” Greenland explained. It wasn’t exactly the truth, some days she hated looking at herself, but some days she felt accomplished looking at herself. It just happened that more recently she felt hatred staring at the mirror. 

“A sign of weakness? No, I see them as a sign of pain, and that you need help with it. And we are here to help you, you just have to let us.” England pleaded.

“I don’t need help. I’m not in pain. I do this to help keep myself under control.” Greenland said.

“Control?” England laughed. “This is some of the most out of control behavior I’ve seen from you and I’ve been watching you scream bloody murder for the last few days!” England was shouting by the end. His volume was like a bullet passing through her temple and she was able to keep her head up but she had to close her eyes and take a moment to breathe to work through the pain. Her arms itched as they trembled against the table. The sweat pants protected her legs from the cold air but the fabric still rubbed against making them starting to itch as well. She was close to losing her composure, she only knew one way to gain that control back but there was no way she could do it now. 

“My emotions are under control. I’m not lashing out and hurting anyone.” She said slowly. The sizzling had stopped but America still wouldn’t face them. 

“You are hurting yourself! You are a person! You are important!” England continued to shout and waved his hands in the air as he spoke.

“I am fine. I’m not going to die from this and it helps other people.” She said though her mind was refuting his points. She wasn’t very important in the long run, her country had survived without her for years, and she wasn’t really a person, she was just a nation, a personification. But arguing that would just make things worse. 

“Is it helping other people? Who is it helping? Not me, not America!” England said exasperated. 

“You seemed to like the change when I started at your house. You told me I was being much better behaved and more mature.” Greenland answered back. England moved back like he had been struck. His mouth opened then closed only to open again. “America and I get into less arguments now, so do France and I.” Greenland went on. The only person she could say it really hadn’t improved her relationship with was Canada, they ended up talking less after she started. She wasn’t sure if he had pulled away or if she had, if it was her she didn’t mean to, she just didn’t want to give away her emotions.

“You hurt my feelings more often.” America said softly, still not looking at them. He was leaning on the counter staring out the window. “I spent a long time thinking that you didn’t care about us, that you were avoiding us.” America went on and Greenland tried to ignore the pit in her stomach. That had never really been her intention, and while she did hold a lot of anger towards her family that didn’t mean she didn’t care. She didn’t mean to hurt people's feelings. She tried to just remain neutral and speak the truth. 

“I’m sorry.” She said and she was. But she still felt it was for the best to keep doing this, to stay in control, she just had to try harder to pay attention to the others feelings. 

“I never, ever, wanted you to hurt yourself Greenland. I’m sorry I made you feel like that was the only way but I swear to you it’s not. We want you to be you, you don’t have to hide behind a mask of unfeeling. It’s okay to lash out, it’s natural, it’s how you react afterwards that’s important.” England said.

“This is me. I am not the angry little girl anymore. This is who I want to be.” Greenland answered. She didn’t want to feel so much all the time, she didn’t want to be angry all the time. Lashing out wasn’t okay, it wasn’t okay to hurt people just because she felt bad. And that’s what she did before. 

“Why?” England asked, he sounded more miserable than angry.

“This is what’s safe.” She answered.

“This is not safe! What happens if you cut too deep? What happens if you die for a few days alone in your home? What then? You’ll just lie there alone? Do it again next week? That is in no way okay! That isn’t a way to live! You should enjoy life, being alive shouldn’t be a chore!” England was almost screaming and she had to blink away tears of pain. The pain in her stomach was getting worse and she was worried she was going to vomit soon.

“I don’t tell you how to live your life, please don’t tell me how to live mine.” She said although her voice was very quiet as she tried to keep control of her throat and stomach.

“What you're doing is not living!” England snapped back. 

“This conversation is going nowhere. We won’t agree. Let’s just end it, agreeing to disagree.” She tried.

“Oh no, this is not a conversation that we can agree to disagree! I am not going to let you keep hurting yourself!” England roared.

“You can’t stop me.” Greenland stated, cursing herself for letting her voice get so cold.

“That’s what you think, you can’t even walk right now! As long as I’m around you’re not getting near a sharp object!” England objected.

“I can take care of myself.” Greenland growled pushing the table to stand up. Her head swam and her legs were trembling but she managed to stay on her feet.

“No, you obviously can’t! Sit back down.” He told her.

“I’m done with this conversation. You cannot control me. It’s my choice.” She told him and made her way to the stairs. England continued to shout but she stopped listening. She was able to get up the first step and the world tilted and she collapsed to her knees. She didn’t give up and tried to climb her way up the stairs but at the sixth step her foot went out from under her and her chin slammed down to the step under her and she slid down the steps. Everything was spinning and her stomach was lurching. She curled into herself trying to help with the pain. 

“Greenland, Greenland, are you alright?” America asked, he was close to her. She was pretty sure based on his voice.

“Check her head for a concussion.” England said. Gentle hands felt around her head and she pulled away from the burn.

“I think she’s okay.” America answered. 

“Take her back upstairs, actually, take her to your room. I’m going to search her room for tools.” England said and Greenland tried to protest but it came out more as a whine. Then there were hands under her legs and neck and she was in the air pressed against a warm body. It burned, and she couldn’t tell if it was nice or not. If anything it was a feeling which was better than floating in the air so she pressed against it. She felt as they went up every step of the stairs as it jolted her slightly and America had to bend strangely to open his door. She expected to be put in a bed but instead she was kept pressed against his body and settled on to his legs. Then there was a gentle rocking motion back and forth. Did America have a rocking chair?  
“England yells a lot when he’s emotional huh?” America asked. She didn’t feel up to speaking so she nodded. “It’s really stressful sometimes. I’m not sure what’s worse, being the one yelled at or being in the same room while he yells at somebody. On one hand you want to speak up, maybe tell him to calm down, but then he’ll start yelling at you, which doesn’t help anything does it?” He asked and she nodded again. “I’m not going to yell at you for hurting yourself. I’m not going to tell you you’re being unreasonable for wanting control. I’ve been there, in my own way. But I will tell you that there are other ways that will work, maybe not exactly the same or as fast, but they do the job. And you’ll probably be happier for it. And we’ll be there for you every step of the way. You’ve been trying to take care of everything yourself, so you don’t bother or hurt other people I’m guessing, but it really doesn’t have to be that way. We want to help you, and we won’t judge you. We’ll be there when it gets hard and you want to scream and hit something and we’ll be there when you never want to get out of bed again. We’re family, and we love you, all of you.” America said, and she tried to convince herself the tears were from pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought below, I'd love to hear it! Stay safe and have a wonderful day!


	7. Chapter Seven: Greenland is a Little Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> England finally gets to eat a dinner that he didn't make (so one that actually tastes good) but France and Canada want to know about the sick nations. One sick nation gets upset and interrupts dinner leading to revelations for the two left in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I kept thinking before reading this chapter that it was terrible and one of the worsts. Rereading it for like the fifth time I think it's actually pretty good. No one feels that out of character for me. I was really worried England was a complete asshole in this chapter but I actually feel bad for him and everyone else in this chapter. I have this problem where my favorite character almost always gets written as a complete asshole in the story I'm writing. And England is tied with America as my second favorite, and when I was younger he was my number one for awhile. So in every story I wrote he was just... an asshole. He's still kind of an asshole in this story and a Family Curse but I like that in this story I can go into his head and show he's really not trying to be, he's just doing his best in unfamiliar and sensitive territory. So yeah, I like this chapter, apparently when I wrote it I didn't feel that bad for Greenland hence the chapter title but reading it again I do feel bad for her. I have a very supportive family and I still don't like being bed bound. And if I had lost memory and time like she had I would be panicking too. Add on top of it all that she doesn't have a good relationship with her family and one of her biggest secrets had just been put out in the open that she has the illogical thought that her entire life will be destroyed if it goes out into the open but if she stopped doing it her life would also be destroyed. So maybe Greenland isn't a little bitch. Maybe we just need some therapy and healthier coping mechanisms up in this bitch. For everyone. They all have issues.

To say England was having a rough week would only be the half of it. First he was supposed to be going to the world meeting, which is always a chaotic mess, but he came to his son’s home to find that he’s stuck in little space and has broken his sister’s hand. Then said sister got so sick she was hardly able to move and his son is still stuck in little space, so England has to miss the meeting as well as the other two. His other son and frenemy agree to take notes for them but will not stop pestering him for information on the other two, one who he told the truth about and the other he lied about and said he was sick since America is desperate to keep his little space a secret. So he’s had to struggle to keep America out of sight which is a challenge since a hyperactive adult male with the mind of a three year old does not want to stay in one room all day. Not only is his daughter bedridden, but she’s delirious and yelling nonsense, and as she gains some of her strength back she gets up in the middle of the night and calls nations forcing England to spend half an hour trying to reassure an angry Italian that he was not in fact killing Greenland slowly. He thought it would have been better if she was able to stay in reality but then she came back to reality and he really wished she would go back to the random screaming. Because during the random screaming he found out that she was cutting herself, and America found out that she was suicidal. So he had tried to talk to her about it when she was present in mind and it had been like talking to a boulder. She refused to stop, to admit she needed help, and instead might as well have told him it was his fault she did it. At the very least America seemed to be able to be big. He had taken over watching Greenland so England could take a break but from the glimpse and conversations he’d had with the boy Greenland was very fussy. She insisted that she do everything for herself, and she would try, and fail every time. She had already spilled two glasses of water all over the floor, almost broke her wrist trying to get out of bed, and almost threw herself down the stairs while America went to take a piss, luckily America went fast and caught her before she fully fell. 

With this all in mind England felt he had every right to be grumpy. Tonight was the first night after the meeting had started that he was going to be able to eat dinner not cooked by him and he had been looking forward to it, until he went to eat that dinner with Canada and France and they would not stop staring at him. It was unnerving feeling their eyes burn into his head as he tried to take a bite of spaghetti. It was hard to enjoy the taste despite it being good.

“What do you want frog?” He asked finally, unable to take it anymore.

“Oh, you’re finally ready to speak to us instead of glare at your tea and food?” France asked with a smile in his voice. England sighed.

“You obviously want something, spit it out.”

“Ooh someone is grumpy tonight. Are our two sick nations not treating you well Angleterre?” France asked leaning forward. 

“America is finally starting to feel better, he’s watching Greenland right now. Greenland seems to have come back to reality for now but she won’t stay still.” England said.

“So we can see them?” Canada asked. England shifted. On one hand he knew how shitty it was for them not to be able to see the sick nations, especially since nations didn’t get sick the same way humans did. It wasn’t like they were going to catch her illness. But Greenland still had a fever and he really doubted she’d be able to dress herself in long sleeves and from the way she had been acting it wouldn’t be a fun fight to put her in it.

“I can send America down to talk to you two, but I don’t think Greenland is up for visitors.” England responded slowly.

“You trust America to watch her more than us?” Canada said with so much sarcasm that if England wasn’t painfully aware of how stupid America acted sometimes he’d be offended. 

“It’s not that, she’s just struggling with trust right now.” England tried to explain and France and Canada stared at him like he was an idiot.

“Angleterre, you do realize that you are the person she trusts the least in this house right?” France asked much more seriously than usual. 

“That is not true! We may have a more… Complicated relationship but she trusts me to take care of her.” England defended. France raised his eyebrows and Canada rolled his eyes.

“What the fuck!?” Greenland’s shrill screech went throughout the house causing all three nations to jump up. England went first rushing up the stairs and to her room and ripped open the door only to find America blocking off most of the bathroom.

“It’s really not that bad, it was just to help you from making a mess if you had another accident!” America tried to placate. America was big enough to keep the rest of the bathroom from sight. 

“I don’t need-- I don’t want-- I’m not-- I want it off.” He heard Greenland stutter a bit calmer but he could hear her voice shaking. England found he had a good enough idea of what was going on and turned away to give them their privacy, but he ran into France.

“What is going on?” France shouted. England turned to see America pause in his movements and close the door.

“It’s nothing, everything is fine, let’s go back downstairs.” England rushed, he knew Greenland would be embarrassed but he didn’t think her reaction would be that bad. 

“Obviously not, Greenland is never that loud and she barely ever curses.” Canada rebutted crossing his arms blocking England from being able to leave the room.

“Greenland was just surprised.” England pushed.

“What did you do?” France asked again with a glare.

“Listen you two I’m trying not to embarrass her! It’s nothing bad just drop it!” England snapped. The bathroom door opened and America came out with a strained smile. 

“Hey guys, long time no see!” America said coming over and leaning on England’s shoulder.

“America, what’s going on?” Canada asked.

“Just some bathroom troubles. Greenland just realized that someone changed her clothes for her, and she is not a happy camper. I explained that her clothes got vomit all over them and she calmed down a little. She’s uh, not really in a good mood. She will not stop asking about the meeting and the notes you guys are taking. If her fever, weakness, and vomiting would calm down then she’d probably rush there herself. As it is she can still barely stand on her own, and the more she tries the worse it’s getting. She managed to break her hand falling!” America went on rubbing the back of his head.

“I bet she’d want to hear from us about the meeting then.” Canada said.

“Uh, maybe later, she’s pretty upset right now.” America said. The toilet flushed. 

“I thought you said she had calmed down?” France asked.

“I said she calmed down a little, she’s still pretty upset.” America corrected. There was a crash and then the sound of shattering. England rushed to open the door and saw Greenland sitting on the floor, her breathing labored surrounded by the reflective glass of the mirror. Her knuckles were bleeding on her good hand. 

“Go away.” She said between breaths.

“Greenland that is enough of this behavior! England snapped. He started moving some of the glass away in order to help her make her way out but she wouldn’t help. She was rocking back and forth slightly and staring at the floor. He offered her a hand but she wouldn’t take it. He could hear America struggling to keep the other two at the door. “Greenland stop it and get up.” He told her. She was acting like a little brat, it reminded him of when she was younger. She didn’t react besides to rock faster and her face twisted. She closed her eyes. “Greenland.” He said again and she shook her head and her breathing picked up faster. He got the feeling that something was wrong. “What is it Greenland?” He asked. She shook her head again and rocked faster. England crouched back down and took her hand but she ripped it away and made an almost keening noise. “You need to breathe Greenland.” He told her and she shook her head. He heard feet rush behind him but they stayed silent. Tears started to trail down her face and he wanted to reach out again but he held back. “Try and take deep breaths like me.” England said and started taking exaggerated breaths. It took awhile but eventually he could tell she was trying to match him. The rocking slowed down and she wasn’t shaking as bad. “There you go, that’s it.” He told her. She put her head down into her knees and her entire body tensed. “No, come on, look at me.” He told her. She shook her head. “I want to be able to see your face Greenland, to make sure you’re alright.” He told her sternly but trying to remain soft. Her head snapped up and she growled at him, actually growled. Her face was streaked with tears and there was snot coming down her nose and onto her lip and it only served to make her look hysterical.

“Do I seem alright in any shape or form to you! What part of this makes you think I’d be fine!” She asked and England couldn’t help but move back to try and avoid the spit flying into his face. 

“Greenland--” France tried and her eyes went straight up behind Greenland and he saw her brown eyes gloss over and she stood up much too fast and stepped back into the glass and instead of pulling back ground her foot into it. 

“Get out!” 

“Greenland get off the glass!” England snapped standing up and coming towards her. She moved back both feet bare stepping into the shards. 

“Don’t touch me!” She shouted with a grimace, her good hand pulling at her hair.

“Greenland please, we don’t want you hurting yourself.” America tried pulling England back. 

“Shut up!” Greenland was shaking her head taking further steps back leaving bloody footprints on the tile. 

“Do you remember what I told you the night you called Romano?” He asked her. England just wanted to grab her but America had such a tight hold on him he couldn’t move if he tried. He’d probably have a bruise tomorrow. 

“No! I can’t remember anything, I don’t know what’s been happening, I don’t know what’s been done to me, I don’t-- I don’t--” She was breathing too fast again and her legs had hit the bathtub so they couldn’t go any further. She kept shifting her weight back and forth which England could imagine would make the pain worse not better. He also didn’t like her implications, that they would do something to her that she wouldn’t be okay with. But it made him wonder if she had had to deal with that in the past and he just didn’t know, why else would she be afraid of it? They’d have to talk about it later.

“You were upset, you felt like you were a bad mother for letting the bad man get to your children while you were away.” America explained slowly and Greenland froze, her entire body looked tense. “You said you were a bad child and a bad mother. You said you were nothing, but you’re not nothing right? You’re a good sister. You’re still a good sister right now. I don’t want my sister hurting, it’s my job as her brother to look after her. We look out for each other. So I’m going to come over and help you alright?” He asked. She didn’t acknowledge him at first, she was staring at the bloody floor. England pulled against America’s hold but the boy wouldn’t let him go. Then Greenland sat down on the ledge of the bathtub and put her head in her hand. “If the rest of you wouldn’t mind, I really think Greenland could use as much space as possible.” America whispered. Begrudgingly England left the bathroom with Canada and France. He went over and sat in the chair tucked into the desk. Canada sat on the bed while France remained standing. No one spoke at first. England was just trying to process all that had happened. She really didn’t trust him. Her nonsense talk hadn’t apparently been complete nonsense. America was actually helpful at de-escalating a situation. This entire week had just been too much. 

“How bad is it?” Canada asked.

“What?” England asked, not understanding the question.

“Plenty bad, did you see how many scars she had, they were layered, scars on top of scars.” France replied, the normal bright tone gone.

“Yes she’s obviously cutting a lot but is it just that? Is she suicidal? Is she eating? How long has it been going on without us noticing?” Canada explained. England hadn’t even thought to check her weight, but she seemed healthy enough when he looked back on her bath.

“She talked about wanting to die while she was delirious but hasn’t mentioned anything of the sort while she was present of mind. I don’t know exactly how long it’s been going on but it’s been at least since she was still living at my house. From just an eye point view she seems healthy weight wise, no visible ribs or anything of that sort.” England listed. His body felt heavy. He had already taken a nap earlier so he would be able to take the night shift with Greenland but he was ready to drop now.

“We need to clear out all the sharp objects.” Canada said.

“I already did.” England replied.

“Were you going to tell us?” France asked. 

“She was already upset with us knowing I didn’t want to put more stress on her.” England replied.

“So after she was better you would have told us?” France asked.

“I don’t know! I don’t want to break her trust beyond repair and it’s a sensitive topic!” England snapped. 

“She’s not just your daughter Britain! If my daughter wants to kill herself then I want to know, I want to help!” France snapped right back.

“Guys--” Canada began.

“Helping Greenland is complicated, I can’t just go telling her secrets willy nilly!” England replied.

“How is telling her father telling her secrets willy nilly? You think you can make her forgive you if you save her from herself but that’s not how it works!” France shouted.

“Guys!” Canada tried again.

“How dare you! You know it’s not just me she has a problem with, she blames all of us! And what help would you be? You would just try to dress her up in frilly clothes and do her hair and call her cured!” England shouted right back.

“Shut up!” Canada yelled, finally drawing the attention of the two arguing nations. “Greenland just had a panic attack and can definitely hear you two shouting about her. If you’re going to argue, take it somewhere else.” Canada told them firmly. England glared at France before storming out the room and to his guest room. His head was sending sharps stabs of pain and there was a catch in his throat but the water running down his face was sweat he told himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below if you wanna, I'd love to hear it! Stay safe and have a fantastic day!


	8. Chapter Eight: Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canada's experience at the latest meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I totally have a reasonable explanation for disappearing! I was dreaming that I was uploading this and as it turned out I wasn't doing it in my sleep. But it's Christmas Eve and I'm kinda catholic so I'm celebrating today and tomorrow with no work or school so I thought I'd upload today! This chapter was one of my favorites to write because one, PruCan that's cute (why the fuck can't it stay cute?), two, love confession, and three I purposefully made it hard to follow so I have fun rereading it because I can choose which conversation to focus on more. I hope you enjoy reading this as well and if you celebrate anything around this time I hope you enjoy that as well!

Canada had known for a long time that he was the only one in his family that was relatively normal. Sure England liked to call himself the perfect gentleman but no real gentleman would start strangling somebody for insulting their fashion. France was too egotistical and theatrical to be considered normal and America was too stupid, egotistical, and theatrical to be ever looked at as normal. Greenland was a close second, but from how distant and unexpressive she was she wouldn’t exactly be looked at as normal either. Being the only normal one had its perks at times, he got along with almost everyone he met (after they figured out he wasn’t his brother) and people tended to leave him out of their weird dramas. But it also had it’s cons, for instance, he was the only one in his family willing to go to the world meeting. America, France, and England all insisted on staying home to take care of Greenland. Canada would have stayed home too but Greenland would not stop insisting that someone had to go to the meeting to take notes. He did not want to push Greenland too far that early in the morning since she already looked exhausted, so to the meeting he went. 

The meetings hadn’t really been that different, people mistook him for America and some of the nations seemed disappointed he wasn’t there for them to yell at but they found someone else to take their frustrations out on. Romano had been asking for updates on Greenland everyday, Prussia and Japan would ask about America. Denmark had checked up on both of them one day. No one was really all that concerned. A lot of nations were saying the reason America got sick was because he ate too many hamburgers. It ate at Canada that he still didn’t know what had been wrong with his brother. All England and America would say was that he was sick. No symptoms or pain, just that he was sick. At least with Greenland she was very clearly ill. They weren’t sure why she was ill but her boss hadn’t called at all and there hadn’t been anything on the news so it didn’t seem like it would be deadly. With America there were any number of reasons he could be ill, his political situation seemed to worsen every year. His economy wasn’t doing much better and neither were his people’s mental health. The better question at this point was why wasn’t he sick all the time. Maybe he was and he just hid it. Canada wanted to know. 

It was two hours into the meeting that Canada realized he hadn’t been paying attention at all, and hadn’t taken a single note. For once everything had been on task and he had missed it. Luckily for him the reason he realized he hadn’t been taking notes was because out of nowhere metal music started blasting. Listening closer, Canada recognized the singer's voice as Prussia. Said Prussian jumped onto the table along with Denmark and started headbanging and rocking out. Germany shouted at them to knock it off but it was too late, the major distraction had bred into little discussions that became arguments and there was no coming back. Even with Denmark being dragged off the table being choked by an irate Norway the music was still playing and no one was paying attention to Estonia’s presentation. Canada jotted down what was still up on the powerpoint and then waited for his boyfriend to come over after his fun. That was another benefit to coming to the meeting, he got to spend time with Prussia. It was also a con, because Prussia was going to ask about America and France and that would need Canada to talk about Greenland, and he wasn’t sure how much into it he wanted to get into it. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Prussia, but he didn’t have the best views about Greenland and Greenland herself was a very private person. She’d probably be upset if she knew Prussia knew, but then again the two barely ever talked and Canada didn’t want to keep unnecessary secrets in their relationship. There was also the opportunity that Prussia would know what to say to cheer France up since they were close.

Canada was so distracted trying to make this decision he didn’t notice the irate Italian coming towards him until he was yelling in his face. 

“Oi, burger bastard’s brother!” Canada jumped and turned around to see the brown haired man glowering at him.

“Hello Romano,” Canada said, trying not to sound as annoyed and shaken as he was. 

“Why the fuck is she not at the meeting still?” Romano asked and Canada struggled to not roll his eyes.

“She’s still weak with a fever.” Canada answered.

“Have you brought in a doctor to help her yet?” Romano asked.

“No--” Canada started.

“Well why the fuck not!” South Italy asked.

“Because there’s nothing the doctor can do, nations always just need time to heal on their own when it comes to sickness.” Canada finished wishing to add that Romano should know this because he was also a nation.

“But this isn’t normal! Nations get sick for a reason, there is no fucking reason for her to be sick! Jackshit is happening in Greenland! I’ve been looking over news reports and there’s nothing! Can I at least call her?” Romano went off and Canada was actually surprised. He knew that Greenland and Romano were close but he still hadn’t expected Romano to go so far as to actually search for a reason on why Greenland was ill. Though his new information concerned Canada, if there was really nothing happening in Greenland, why was she so sick? Maybe they should bring in a doctor. 

“Well she’s pretty tired, but she’s not delusional anymore, so I guess?” Canada answered. Romano didn’t hesitate to whip out his phone right away and call. Canada had a feeling he’d be hearing this conversation whether he wanted to or not. Romano stood there stamping his foot before he finally perked up.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He shouted more than asked. It didn’t draw anyone's attention though, Romano was always yelling about every little thing, it was practically his speaking voice, kinda like Prussia but more angry. Canada searched the room with his eyes for his boyfriend and saw him standing there with his arms crossed while Germany seemed to be yelling at him, Canada couldn’t hear what was being said but there was probably a scolding going on. “This isn’t normal!” Romano screeched. Canada considered going over to Prussia but then Prussia would probably drag him into the argument. “I’m fine, would you worry about yourself for once?” Romano said just a little quieter. Prussia caught Canada staring and winked at him causing Canada to roll his eyes. If Germany thought Prussia wasn’t paying attention than the scolding would last longer. “Well tell them to fuck off then.” Romano said. Lucky for Canada it seemed Germany hadn’t noticed that Prussia wasn’t listening because Prussia started making his way over to Canada with a devious smile. “What?” Romano asked. Prussia came over and put his arms around Canada’s shoulders and rested his head on Canada’s head.

“Well how’s my little birdie?” Prussia asked.

“What are you saying?” Romano asked, Canada really wished that he would learn to talk with an inside voice. 

“Tired, but I’ll live. How are you, have you thoroughly been taught your lesson?” Canada asked. 

“But you’re not right?” Romano asked. 

“Oh yeah, I’ll never do an awesome distraction again, I swear!” Prussia cackled causing Canada to smile. 

“You’re a shitty liar.” Romano said.

“How’s America? Still being lame?” Prussia asked, swaying slightly.

“He’s not sick anymore, won’t tell anyone how he was sick but he seems completely fine now.” Canada answered, closing his eyes and taking in the warmth of Prussia’s arms.

“Then why isn’t he here? And where’s France? Don’t tell me he got sick too.” Prussia said and Canada could feel his pout.

“Stop fucking with me Greenland.” Romano said, almost too quiet for Canada to hear.

“They both insisted on staying home to take care of Greenland.” Canada said and the swaying stop. Prussia seemed to shift his head to the side cause Canada could feel more of his face pressed against his head. 

“I’m sure the stick up Greenland’s ass could watch her. She doesn’t need all the fun people. I had a bet with Spain running that it would only take England fifteen minutes to choke France at this meeting.” Prussia whined. Canada shifted. He understood why Prussia felt about Greenland the way he did. It was really Canada’s fault. Canada complained about his family a lot to Prussia, because facing it they were a hassle. America was obnoxious, England was a know it all, and France was narcissistic. And Greenland? She was cold, unfriendly, always asking about work and nothing else, and she could be unintentionally cruel. At least the other three made an effort to seem like they cared, but Greenland? She was robotic. What pissed Canada off the most about it was that she hadn’t always been like that, before that she had been extremely emotional. She used to rant to Canada all the time about England when they were kids. She was always inviting him to play or asking him what he thought about something. And then she just started pulling away. Barely talking, writing the minimal in their letters, barely acknowledging him when he came over. Once she was out of England’s house? He only heard from her at world meetings. When phones came around and could call internationally they exchanged phone calls every now and then. Then the internet came around and they exchanged emails, but it was very political based. He invited her over a couple of times but she always seemed bored. He had been angry, explained all of this to Prussia multiple times and Prussia listened despite what some people thought, and would comfort him. Assure him that there was nothing wrong with him but with Greenland. Canada sorta wished he hadn’t been right. Looking back on it it seemed a lot more obvious that Greenland had fallen into a depression. No one changed personalities overnight for no reason. Not to mention that around the time it all started everything in their lives had been turned upside down, America and England were fighting, France wasn’t allowed over, and England was drunk and sad most of the time, and he took it out on Greenland when he was at his worst. Canada spent a lot of that time in his own country trying to avoid the mess, but he had been there a few times when England would scream at Greenland, call her names, and throw things. Those were one of the rare times that Canada was glad he wasn’t very noticeable. He hadn’t thought how that would have affected Greenland. 

“How bad is it?” Romano asked, once again snapping Canada out of his thoughts. 

“She’s really not doing well.” Canada said quietly. His stomach hurt. He thought about her arms covered in scars. He felt nauseous. 

“She’ll be fine.” Prussia said.

“I don’t know if she will.” Canada replied.

“Damn it Greenland! Why didn’t you tell me?” Romano snapped. Canada was very close to asking Prussia if he wanted to move somewhere else.

“Is her country okay?” Prussia asked.

“That’s the thing, it’s perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong, she shouldn’t be sick. Also there’s something else going on.” Canada said lowering his voice even more.

“I need to know those types of things! I’m your best friend!” Romano's voice broke, Canada assumed it was from all the shouting. 

“What?” Prussia asked.

“You can’t tell anyone else, not Germany or Spain. France already knows.” Canada told him sternly, sitting up slightly.

“You can trust me Birdie.” Prussia said.

“She’s depressed, suicidal even. She’s been cutting herself, and from the looks of it she has been for years.” Canada said trying to keep his voice quiet and steady. He felt Prussia tense and the albino moved off of Canada and pulled the chair next to Canada close, so close that their knees were squished against each other. Prussia’s face had gone very serious. Prussia grabbed Canada’s hands and held them tight enough to reassure but not enough to hurt.

“This is not your fault.” Prussia said.

“There were so many signs.” Canada responded looking down.

“I care about you!” Romano yelled. 

“You didn’t make her hurt herself.” Prussia replied. 

“Damnit Greenland I love you!” Romano practically screamed at the phone. Canada and Prussia both turned to look at him. They were not the only ones. Romano was huffing, his face bright red, and tears leaking down his face. After a moment he threw down the phone and bolted through the room and out the door. Spain went chasing after him along with Italy. Canada wasn’t really sure what to say or do. Was that declaration platonic or romantic? How did Greenland take it? The commotion in the room didn’t take long to start back up. Canada looked to the floor and saw that the phone call was still going on. He picked it up and put it to his ear.

“South Italy? South Italy please talk to me.” Greenland pleaded, she sounded like she was crying. 

“Greenland, what just happened?” Canada asked. She was silent for a moment.   


“Where is South Italy Canada?” She asked. The desperation in her tone was gone.

“He just ran out of the room. Are you alright? Where are the others, are they with you?” Canada asked. It unnerved him how fast she could go from sounding like she was sobbing to sounding so monotone. 

“I’m fine, the others are just in the hallway to give me some privacy. Thank you for your concern. I’ll see you when you get home.” And she hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and have a lovely time! Happy Holidays!!


	9. Chapter Nine: A Little Childish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America notices that Greenland seems a little down in the dumps and convinces her that being a little childish is okay sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I disappeared again. I have no reason or explanation. I just forgot to upload and when I saw I forgot I got anxious about it and just didn't do it. But today's a good day, and reading this chapter made me miss this story. Also, I fucking love Weird Al. Since it's been so long since I posted a chapter I might post another one tomorrow if I can remember. England's a little bitch in this chapter btw, makes me sad. Hope you enjoy!

America knew that he was considered stupid. That he struggled to read the atmosphere. That a lot of his ideas were out there. But he didn’t consider himself stupid, because he was good at picking up other things that other people didn’t notice. He wasn’t good at it all the time, when he wasn’t feeling too good about himself or the person themselves he wouldn’t pick up on things, but right now he was feeling okay. Well, okay about himself, the situation wasn’t okay. The point was he was picking up that there was something very off about Greenland and it had just gotten worse after her phone call with Romano. She was more quiet, and the least emotional she had been in days. France had tried getting her to laugh a few times but she barely seemed to even hear him. She wasn’t putting up much of a fight about getting help to get from place to place. After last night she had been angry. She was frustrated with her body and she was frustrated with the situation. She didn’t like being coddled by England and France. She would barely take their offered help at all, which led to America helping her get to and from the bathroom mostly. She really only seemed to be in a mood to listen to America, he normally would feel good about that, but it twisted his gut and he didn’t know why. She never listened to him before. Sure she didn’t like England that much but she had never had much of a problem with France as far as he knew, France hadn’t done anything to upset her in the last few days, he hadn’t even interacted with her, so why was she so angry with him? But the anger he had been at least prepared for. He had been angry too when Canada tried to make him eat at first. But the despondency, the lack of will worried him.

Canada came into the room after getting home from the meeting looking drained. America worried that Cuba had beaten him up again thinking he was America but Canada brushed him off and said he was fine. He asked about Greenland, who was sleeping on her side. France and England said she had seemed extra tired, although that’s not what America would call it. France and Canada went downstairs to begin cooking dinner and England went to get ready to take a shower. America went over to look out the window. It was starting to rain outside. He looked over to Greenland to see that she wasn’t sleeping, just staring at the wall. 

“Is there a spot or something?” America asked with a smile but she didn’t acknowledge him. He came over and sat in front of her view crossed legged. “You’ve been sad ever since that phone call, what gives?” He asked. Her eyes drifted towards his and she stared into his gaze. He waited for her to answer but she didn’t. “I know you’d rather do something than stare at the wall for four more hours.” He told her. She looked down to her arm. “Something besides that.” He tried. “We could go downstairs and play some video games? Or I could bring my laptop in here and we could play something? I have Netflix and Hulu on there too, staring at a screen is much more entertaining than staring at a wall.” He pushed. Her eyes stayed on her arm. “I could go get Canada and you could copy his notes?” It was his last idea. She closed her eyes and sighed but pushed herself up on shaky arms and sat up. “Okay, I’ll be right back!” With that he rushed out of the room and downstairs. As he went down the stairs he caught part of the conversation.

“He just confessed his love, right in front of the whole meeting?” France asked. America slowed down a bit intrigued.

“Hey Mattie, Greenland wants your notes to copy, and who confessed their love to who?” He asked. He liked to use Canada’s human name when he seemed to be feeling down to help make him feel more connected, plus he found Mattie more fun to say than Canada, and Canada really didn’t like being called Canny. Canada turned around and sighed but went to fetch his bag.

“We leave you alone for two seconds and you wake her up. Anyway I was telling France about Romano’s call with Greenland.” Canada answered, pulling the notepad out of his bag. America could see there was barely anything there.

“Hey I didn’t wake her up, she was already awake! And wait, are you saying Romano told Greenland that he loved her?” America clarified.

“Practically screamed it at the top of his lungs.” Canada’s answer left America with more questions than answers. Why was Greenland so upset if Romano confessed his love to her? Did she not love him back? “Then he ran off. I didn’t see him, Spain, or Italy for the rest of the meeting. Prussia left to check on him after an hour and said he would text me when he figured out what was going on, he still hasn’t.” Canada explained further and America was even more confused. Why would someone run away after confessing their love? Wouldn’t they want to hear the other person's answer? Why hadn’t Prussia gotten back to Canada yet? Canada handed him the notepad and despite being curious America knew that he needed to get back to Greenland quickly. So he thanked his brother and rushed back up the stairs and burst through the door with as much energy as he could muster.

“Don’t worry your hero is here! With meeting notes!” He announced and gave the notes to Greenland. She pointed at her bag and he opened it and found a green notebook with a pen hooked to it. He handed that to her too and she got to work writing. “So,” he drawled, dragging out the o as long as he could. She eventually turned to look at him. “Mattie says he overheard some of Romano’s part of the phone call you guys had earlier today.” America began and Greenland tensed. She looked back down and continued writing. “Apparently he heard something that sounded like a love confession.” America continued.

“He doesn’t love me.” Greenland said. It wasn’t snapped or rushed out. It was just stated slowly like a fact. America tilted his head and sat down on the bed next to her. He looked over to see what she was writing and saw a full page of notes on the other side. Reading a little she seemed to be documenting her illness and the other nations reactions along with what Canada had written down. She had noted that England was impatient, France was overly worried. She hadn’t noted anything about America. 

“Why do you say that?” America asked. He had figured out through going to college and making friends with some of the students that had depression problems that telling them that they’re wrong wasn’t always really the best approach. People didn’t just believe things for no reason, he had to figure out their reasoning and point out its flaws. 

“Because he’s in love with Spain, it’s obvious from the way he looks at him and talks about him.” She explained, he would have thought she was calm if she wasn’t clenching her pen so hard. 

“You know you can love more than one person at once right?” America asked. She frowned. 

“I’m not loveable.” She answered slowly. 

“I love you.” He told her, trying to look into her eyes but she wouldn’t look at him.

“You have a hero complex. You want to save me, you feel compelled to love me because families are supposed to love each other.” She replied. 

“Then why do you think he said he loved you?” America asked. 

“He was upset, he wanted me to stop saying things he didn’t like.”

“What were you saying?”

“The truth.”

“And what’s the truth?”

“That I’m useless. No one needs me to be around, especially my country. They treat me like a burden half the time. I’m a burden to all of you and now I’m a burden to South Italy. If you don’t view me as cold and robotic you view me as a project to be saved, which I’m not.” She explained setting down the pen. 

“You’re not a project and you’re not useless, if you weren’t around who would take all these notes?” He tried to point out.

“It was someone else’s job before it was mine.” She answered. He frowned. He wanted to reassure her, to point out facts, but the truth was he didn’t know her well enough anymore to know what she did in her spare time besides work. He didn’t know what she was like anymore. He searched his memories throughout the years for something she did that no one else could do when it came to him. It was risky to pull out, he wasn’t sure if she’d react well, but it was worth a shot.

“Who would take care of Ukaleq if you were gone?” She froze before turning to stare at him with furrowed brows. He continued. “He needs someone to stitch him back together and keep him company, and no one does that better than you.” She opened her mouth only to close it again. For once he had befuddled her into speechlessness. “And you know Alfred really wants to set up a playdate between Lisa and Ukaleq. And I told you that we were going to go to the store once you were better and buy him a new friend to keep him company while you’re away.” 

“He’s-- He’s a stuffed-- He’s not real-- We don’t need-- I’m confused.” Greenland sputtered. 

“Just because he’s a stuffed animal doesn’t make him any less real to you, or any less important.” America said. She looked away, her face falling back into it’s blank state. 

“It’s childish.” She said.

“And what’s wrong with being childish?” America asked. 

“It’s unprofessional.” She answered.

“Well you’re at my house now just chilling in bed! Who said you had to be professional twenty-four seven?” 

“It’s more productive.”

“Well you can’t really be productive when you’re sick, so I think you deserve a little childish time.” He pushed. Her fists clenched. 

“It’s not necessary.” 

“On the contrary, letting your inner child out is good for your health, all the scientists say so.” He said, He was pretty sure he had read something like that somewhere, but he wasn’t exactly sure where.

“It’s not safe.” Greenland said monotone and that one threw America for a loop. It wasn’t like he was suggesting to her to try and age regress like he did, just let herself be a little childish, like stuffed animals and the like. 

“What do you mean?”

“It leaves you open, someone can take it and use it against you. They’re more likely to insult you. You leave yourself vulnerable to attack.” She replied. He supposed that made sense, he had a tendency to act childish wherever because that was just how he was. He gave everyone stupid nicknames, played videogames for all ages, collected cool toys, yelled when he was excited, pouted when he was sad, and believed in the concept of heroes which some people found childish, and constantly insulted him for it. He was always berated at meetings for being childish. It was one of the reasons it took him so long to accept his little space. But at his house he didn’t think anyone would make fun of her. 

“Maybe it leaves you a little vulnerable, but no one is going to attack you here! You can be as childish as you want at my house, I mean look at me!” 

“Hiding your age regression from two people in the house?” She responded and she got him there. 

“That’s-- That’s different. That’s more than acting childish, that’s complete vulnerability, I can’t think as clear like that, I don’t know better like that. If that got out to the rest of the nations--”

“Then they could use it against you to hurt you. It’s the same.” She told him and he pouted, because he knew it wasn’t but he didn’t know how to put it into words.

“Well how about this, you can be as childish as you want around me! I obviously won’t attack you for it or use it against you, and if I do you can use my age regression against me. Sound fair?” He tried.

“Getting too comfortable with it is dangerous, it leads to slips in other parts of life.” She told him. 

“Come on,” he said, dragging out the word on. “You already indulge a little on your own at home, what’s the harm in indulging around me? It’s just a shopping trip for a new friend, just us.” He pushed. She stayed silent for a few moments.

“Fine.” She agreed and he whooped and threw his arms up into the air. He saw a hint of a smile on her face. They hadn’t gotten to the root problem, that she thought she was unlovable, but he had gotten her to relax a little, accept a little part of herself. 

“So what do you want to do now? Because I am not letting you stare at the wall for an hour.” He asked. 

“Can we listen to Weird Al?” She asked, completely catching him off guard but he nodded enthusiastically. He got out his phone and went to his artists and put on Weird Al. White and Nerdy came on first and he couldn’t help but sing along. She bobbed her head to the music and watched him, he was pretty sure she was enjoying herself. After a few more songs he sang a part and then pointed to her.

“Come on, you’ve got to know the chorus by now, sing with me!” He tried and she shook her head but she was still smiling.

“I can’t sing.” She said. 

“Who says I can? It’s about the fun not the talent!” He encouraged. She rolled her eyes but the next time the chorus came he heard her voice quiet try and match along. She wasn’t the best, but that didn’t matter. They sang along, America sometimes stumbling his way through the fast parts making plenty of mistakes along the way. Greenland sang along to the chorus’s, sometimes right away, sometimes after it had played once. Although when it came to One More Minute With You she knew the entire song and sang along. America’s voice wasn’t deep enough to hit those notes but that didn’t stop him from trying, making Greenland laugh at the sounds he was making. He laughed too because he knew he sounded ridiculous. They were both laughing when the door opened and England in fresh clothes came in with angry caterpillar eyebrows.

“America knock it off with this racket! Greenland needs her rest!” England snapped. Greenland’s mouth snapped shut and her face went blank. She looked down and closed the notebook she had been writing in before. She placed the pen back in its holder. America struggled to keep his smile up.

“Come on Artie we were just enjoying some music!” America said coming over and wrapping an arm around England’s shoulder. England removed his arm. America tried to shrug it off but it didn’t stop his heart from hurting.

“No, you are playing loud noise. No one else is enjoying it. Greenland, were you taking notes? You should be resting, not working!” England scolded coming over and taking the notebook and pad off the bed and putting them on the desk. 

“Dude. She can’t sit around doing nothing all day, a little writing isn’t going to hurt her any. Neither is some music.” America told him, it didn’t sound as energetic or as lighthearted as he wanted it to but England didn’t seem to notice.

“No but you’re awful singing might damage her eardrums. Turn it off. Go eat dinner with the others I’ll take watch.” England finished sitting down at the desk. 

“Stop being mean to him.” Greenland said without looking up, she was staring at her hands which were playing with a string on the blanket.

“It’s fine Greenland--”

“I’m not being mean, I'm telling the truth. America can handle it, and hopefully he’ll learn from it.” England interrupted America. America felt his stomach twist at his words.

“Learn what?” Greenland asked although it didn’t feel like a question. England sputtered for a moment before finding his words.

“That he can’t do whatever he wants whenever he wants, he has to think about other people and how his actions affect them.” England said.

“And he’s supposed to learn that by you insulting his voice and taste in music?” Greenland countered and England’s face was starting to turn a little red. 

“It’s the subtext of what I’m saying. He understands what I mean, don’t you Alfred?” England said. America’s head started to feel a little foggy but he ignored it and tried to put on a good smile.

“Of course! It’s really no problem Greenland, Artie and I tease each other like this all the time.” America tried to reassure. She looked at him and then back to the bed. “I’m gonna head out now, see ya in the morning Greenland!” He told her. She didn’t respond, just adjusted herself so that she was laying on her side facing away from him. America closed the door and headed towards his room instead of the dinner table. He didn’t really want to feel worse and France and Canada normally got stuck in their own conversations that he didn’t feel welcomed in when it was just the two of them. The fogginess in his head was getting worse and he knew he didn’t have much time before he regressed too far to be able to help himself very well. So he got a few of his toys out and dressed himself into the appropriate clothes. He was in a drawing mood. He laid on the floor and drew himself singing with Weird Al and Greenland. There were fireworks because they were performing a cool concert and everyone in the audience was loving it. He couldn’t wait to show her it tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, I'd love to hear it! What's your guys favorite Weird Al song? Mine is Angry White Boy Polka. Stay safe and have a wonderful day!


	10. Chapter Ten: Piss and Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is left alone for too long and makes a mess. Than she talks about love with the nation of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! As promised a new chapter today, though looking at the computer screen is murdering my eyeballs at the moment so I'll keep this short. This is where that omorashi tag comes in. Wanted to try my hand at writing it. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Greenland was tired. It seemed to be a constant state of hers now. That and weakness. She couldn’t even hold her arm above her head. She refused to let anyone go in the bathroom with her but she was getting tired of all the close calls when her legs would decide to give out in the eight steps it took to get to the toilet and she’d have to crawl the rest of the way there. Her head was foggy, the headache was also a constant. It was hard for her to think clearly. But she still thought she thought more clearly than just about anyone else in the house. For one, none of the boys could decide whether or not to call a doctor, and none of them really took in Greenland’s opinion of yes she would like a doctor. Canada was worried sick because there was no reason for her to be sick in her country but England was positive it was something that would be healed over time. France also thought it was just something that her body had to work through. America hadn’t come out of his room to join the argument. While the boys had no ideas on what could have possibly caused Greenland’s illness she had one: poison. A nation couldn’t be killed by poison, their bodies would just adapt to fight it and eventually destroy it. Although an antidote would help speed up the process their bodies could do it on their own. Greenland didn’t really have an idea of who would poison her, but she really wouldn’t be surprised if it was her own government. They’re the only people she interacted with and the sickness didn’t settle in until she had been in America for a few hours so it could have been a slow acting one. She didn’t think America had poisoned her. The other option was that America royally fucked up her hand and something wrong was happening on the inside that was affecting her, but she doubted that. She was pretty sure the argument to get a doctor would be settled if she mentioned the poisoned theory, but she was also pretty sure that her family would throw the biggest fit and cause a massive problem between her and her government, and she didn’t want to deal with that. So she laid there on the bed helpless while three blondes argued around her. 

She closed her eyes after half an hour realizing that she was not going to have anything to contribute to the conversation. It felt like another half an hour before they chose to move their argument somewhere else. She opened her eyes and realized that they had left her in the room alone. It wasn’t very often that they did that. They also left her with nothing to do, so she went to sleep. 

By the time she woke up she noticed two things. One, she was still alone in the room, and two, she had to pee. It was still light outside so it couldn’t have been a terribly long time since she went to sleep. She assumed that whoever was on watch for her just had to use the bathroom, so she waited. Today was one of the worst days she had felt since she had come to her senses. Her arms were like lead and turning her head felt like the earth had turned with her. England had given back her phone but after yesterday's call with South Italy she had avoided it, but now she was looking for a distraction. So she took it off the nightstand and turned its brightness down and looked up news articles to read. There were plenty to entertain her. She spent an hour reading before she was officially too uncomfortable to focus. No one had come to her room. She tried texting England, then France, and America for them to come to her room. None of them replied or even read the message. Canada was at the meeting, he wouldn’t be able to help. Her mind helpfully reminded her that she apparently had already not made it to the toilet once. She tried calling out.

“Hello! Can someone please help me!” It hurt and made her stomach hurt and the need worse. She waited and no one came. She was sweating and shaking and she knew that even though the bathroom was only a few feet away that her legs wouldn’t be able to support her. But laying there wasn’t helping, and she had gotten to the point where she couldn’t stop fidgeting. Moving the layers of covers off was a challenge, but it at least took some weight off. She sat up and moved her legs off the bed. She was already breathing harder than before. She took her phone and texted all three of them again. Still nothing. She stood up and gravity hit her and she crossed her legs but lost her balance and fell to the floor. She landed on her bad hand and held in a scream and kept clenching her thighs. Every part of her was tense and she laid there trying to catch her breath and not cry. She wasn’t going to have an accident. She wasn’t helpless, she could help herself. She wasn’t going to burden them further and in such a gross way. She didn’t need to be in a fucking diaper. She pushed herself up with her good hand and got on her elbows and knees. It was easier to support herself but every move strained. Part of her wanted someone to burst the door open, a less rational part of her felt too embarrassed to be seen caught in this situation. She wasn’t even wearing her own clothes. She was wearing America’s. He’d probably need to burn them if she had an accident, that’s what she was going to do with the outfit she had been wearing. 

As she made her way to the door she felt herself leak and she froze crossing her legs as tight as she could and holding as tight as she could. It hurt. Everything hurt. She stopped worrying about if she was crying or not because that wasn’t as important. Once she felt sure she was back under control she got herself back to her knees and elbows and continued her trek. She made it to the door. She had to get fully on her knees to reach the handle and as she stretched up she lost control again and she curled into herself trying to make it stop. Her crotch was wet and the pants were wet but the floor was dry by the time she got control. She was shaking hard and she felt ready to vomit but she got the door handle twisted and the door open. Crawling on the tile was worse than the carpet, she was sweaty and her arms wouldn’t stay still. Her elbow gave out halfway there and she slammed down chin first onto the tile. The shock made her lose control again but this time she couldn’t stop it no matter what she did. She was tired, she was wet, and she felt disgusting. She laid there and sobbed. Her head was throbbing, her chin was throbbing, her broken hand was throbbing. She wanted this to end. She wanted to slice her skin open. She wanted South Italy to be okay. She wanted America to be okay. She wanted to be okay. She was stuck in a puddle of her own piss, it was about as far away from okay as she could get. Her breathing started to pick up and soon she was hyperventilating and she couldn’t stop. She scratched at her face trying to make it stop but all she managed to do was cause more pain. She was sick of pain. Eventually her vision started to go black until all of it was consumed. 

She woke up on the tile floor. It was darker out she could tell from the light in the bedroom, which made the bathroom especially dark. But she could still feel the wetness. She thought of pushing herself up but really then what would that do? Spread the mess around. There was no point trying to drag herself anywhere. So she stayed still. Her head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton, time dragged on. She focused on how the constant shaking felt, how tired her muscles were from it. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the world. She could stay in her thoughts. She thought about what poison it could possibly be. She tried listing the different poisons in her head but she had never cared much about poison. She was pretty sure it wasn’t cyanide at least. There was that poison from the Hunger Games, she didn’t even know if that was real or not, she was pretty sure it was. She tried thinking about the people who would poison her. She could only really think of her boss but she wasn’t sure why he would want to poison her, except maybe to just study the effects of it on a nation’s body. But then why would he do it right before she left for a meeting? Maybe someone was trying to make the other countries look bad by making it seem like they were the ones to do it. That was plausible. She tried thinking of the other employees at her work but she barely talked to them besides giving times and dates for things. None of them really seemed the type to poison someone but one really couldn’t judge that on looks. Was a man or a woman more likely to poison someone? Men were more likely to attempt murder but she wasn’t sure if they had been trying to kill her or not. She had no way to narrow it down. There was nothing she could do. Everywhere her thoughts turned it led her back to the fact that she was stuck. She had no way to help herself. She heard the door open.

“Shit Greenland I’m so sorry France and I-- Greenland?” She could kinda see England from where she was laying, he seemed frantic, his hair was messy and his clothes wrinkled. He and France had probably gotten into a fight again. Those could take awhile sometimes, no wonder he was distracted. Still, fuck him for leaving her alone without help. She watched his head whip around and saw as his eyes landed on her and how his entire posture crumpled. He came over slowly and turned the light on in the bathroom, it made her eyes hurt and she closed them. “Greenland, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen again.” He apologized and she ignored him. She heard him sigh and then there were arms lifting her up and helping to set her down on the toilet seat. Her pants were dripping. He lifted her arms up one by one and pulled them out of the sleeves and then he tugged the shirt off. She heard it land somewhere nearby, the sink she assumed. She heard him snap and suddenly the smell of pee wasn’t so strong, she hadn’t even realized how strong it was until it was gone. He helped lift her up and pull off the pants which made a wet slap as they hit the floor. Then she heard him filling the tub. Her thighs burned, a new sensation she hadn’t really noticed before. She opened her eyes and looked down and saw that they were red. She had been stuck in wet clothes so long she had developed a rash. She felt her eyes well up again and she tried to fight it but it seemed she was meant to lose every battle that day. England turned to face her after the tub was filled and his face was filled with so much pity she couldn’t stand it. He helped get her into the tub and the water was at least warm but not burning. It still aggravated her thighs slightly making them sting. Her head was still pounding. She tried to at least get slightly comfortable but no position helped. England took a washcloth and some soap and began rubbing parts of her body. It felt invasive and wrong, she wanted to tell him to stop but she knew she couldn’t do it herself and she wanted to get the gross feeling to go away. She wasn’t sure soap was the solution to making that feeling going away but she hoped it would help. When he got to between her thighs she saw him frown and she couldn’t help but flinch. He gave a small apology and began to gently wipe the area down. 

“And how is my wonderful daughter doing?” France asked, she couldn’t see him but she assumed he had entered her room. Her stomach clenched at the idea of him seeing this, of knowing that it happened but soon it wasn’t an idea and he was in the bathroom. His eyes went to the sink where the wet clothes laid and then to the bath. His face fell. 

“Oh,” he said before rubbing the back of his head. England was glaring at him but he didn’t say anything. “I can get these cleaned up.” France offered and began the sink to wash the clothes out. Greenland put her head back and closed her eyes. She wanted this to be over. She wanted to go home and never look at another person again. First South Italy now this. “You know there’s nothing wrong with accidents, in fact it was only a month ago when England was drunk at my house and he had one in bed.” 

“Francis!” England shouted. She was sure he was bright red. 

“What? It’s true, we all have accidents now and then.” France continued. 

“Like when you pissed yourself at America’s Halloween party because you couldn’t get out of that ridiculous costume.” England grumbled. Greenland could tell they were trying to make her feel better, but it wasn’t really working. Part of the reason why is because she also remembered that Halloween party, and she remembered countries making fun of France for months after that happened, and even now, eight years after it had happened it was still being brought up. 

“Yes like that.” France grumbled. “The point is there is no need to be embarrassed.” France concluded. Despite her eyes being closed she could feel them staring at her. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She said finally. 

“You know this will be something you laugh about in a few years.” England tried, pushing her up into a sitting position and wetting her hair. 

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Greenland said again. 

“We all struggle when we’re sick.” France said. 

“I do not want to talk about it.” She repeated.

“We’re just trying to make you feel better.” England said, she could hear the annoyance rise in his tone. Her fists clenched.

“I texted, and yelled, and waited and no one came. I crawled my way to the door, got inside only to fall head first onto the floor and piss myself. Then I cried so hard I started hyperventilating until I passed out. And when I woke up? I was still stuck on the floor in a puddle of piss unable to move. Excuse me if I don’t think this experience was funny or something not to be embarrassed about. And now I can’t even clean myself. And everyone in the house is going to know what happened.” She snapped, by the end she was breathing hard again and the shaking had gotten worse. 

“Greenland, we’re sorry. We got distracted.” France explained as if that made it better.

“We thought America would wake up and come check on you.” England added. “Where is the bloody git anyway?”

“He probably got tired of helping and just wanted an excuse to stay home from the meeting.” France said. Greenland didn’t agree but she didn’t want to argue anymore. If she wasn’t stuck in this situation she would check on America herself. As it was she wasn’t able to stand. England helped her up and sat her down on the toilet with a towel on it and began to dry her off. 

“I’ll go get you some fresh clothes.” England said. France turned the sink off and from the dripping noise he was wringing them out.

“After you get dressed I can make you some dinner, anything you want that won’t be too hard on your stomach?” France asked. Greenland hadn’t even realized she had gone the whole day without eating. She still wasn’t very hungry. 

“Just tomato soup and crackers please.” She answered. Her hair was dripping onto the floor and the air was cold against her skin causing her to shiver. 

“I assure you that what happened tonight won’t happen again.” France insisted. “It was just Anglettere and I were arguing and he had gotten so riled up his face was red and he was sweating and one thing led to another.” France went on. 

“You had sex in England’s guest room?” She asked, mostly because she was hoping the answer was yes but she highly doubted it. Her intuition proved correct.

“Non, we were in the living room.” She was glad she wouldn’t be sitting on that couch anytime soon. “So you and Romano, how is he?” France asked. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” She knew exactly what he meant.

“Well he confessed his love for you in front of the entire meeting, and you two have been close for so long. I was just wondering how he is, he’s never really been that into me.” France asked. Greenland sighed through her nose. 

“We’ve never had sex.” Greenland told him, she almost would rather talk about pissing herself rather than this.

“Oh? So was that the first time he said he loved you?” France asked.

“He doesn’t love me.” Greenland responded. 

“There is evidence to the contrary.” France practically sang. “Besides it’s obvious you love him, you two are perfect for each other.” 

“What?” Greenland asked, because she really didn’t know how she felt about South Italy. She cared about him deeply and thought about him often, but friends do that too, that’s what being friends was like. What was supposed to make it romantic? The sex part, but she didn’t really care or think about sex. So how could France tell she loved him?

“Oh it’s so obvious, you’re always texting him or calling him. You have your little pet name for him and always get defensive about him. Don’t try to deny it, you like him back! I’ve never seen you date anyone, I wonder what kind of couple you’ll be like.” France went on.

“It’s not a pet name, it's his real name, and aren’t all those things friend things? How do you tell the difference?” Greenland asked.

“Your heart beats faster around them, you can’t stop thinking about them, all the little things remind you of them, and the lust you get, you want to touch them, hold them, please them, or use them.” France went on.

“I don’t have the lust.” France hummed at her answer. 

“You have never really been the physical affection type. But you didn’t deny the other things I listed, you like him.” France said with a small smile. 

“What do I do?” She asked, because France was the nation of love, and it seemed he had finally stopped focusing on the sex part.

“Tell him that you love him too of course!”

“But he ran away after he said it, isn’t that a sign that he regretted saying it?” Greenland asked. France shook his head. 

“Romano is a shy boy, did you say anything after he confessed?” France asked.

“I didn’t get a chance.” Greenland answered. France nodded. 

“He probably took that as a rejection. You should call him once we get you dressed!” France announced tossing the clothes into the hamper. 

“What will change?” She asked. He tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

“If we start dating what will change? Will he expect me to do what you listed before?” Greenland clarified. 

“Maybe he might expect it, but if you talk to him about it you wouldn’t have to if you don’t want to. Maybe nothing will change, maybe you’ll just talk to each other more often. Every relationship is different.” He explained. She nodded. She probably wouldn’t call him right after she got dressed, for some reason passing out wasn’t restful at all. But maybe tomorrow. “What is taking Arthur?” France asked walking out of the bathroom and out the room leaving Greenland by herself. She wished she had something to lean on so her back wouldn’t be so slouched. She let her eyes rest and waited. She wondered if France was right. If they really could just stay the same if she confessed. Did she want them to stay the same or did she want more? She didn’t know. She didn’t really think about it much. Dating had never seemed like an option before. She had considered herself unloveable. Family loved her out of a sense of duty and responsibility, maybe now a touch of pity. Maybe that’s all this was for South Italy, he found out she was cutting herself too and he pitied her, so he said he loved her. France had pointed out all the signs that she loved him, but South Italy wasn’t there to question to see if he actually loved her. Maybe he had just meant it like a friend? Maybe he had meant it in a familial sense, maybe he saw her as a sister? This is why she didn’t think about dating too much. Too complicated, there were so many variables and she wasn’t in control of any of them. 

“Greenland? Is everything okay?” Canada’s soft voice was near her and she opened her eyes and saw him standing in the entryway of the bathroom. He looked tired, and his clothes were wrinkled. Poor Canada, having to go to meetings by himself. She really did appreciate him going, if she had any strength she would take his place in a heartbeat. As it was if her boss wasn’t the one trying to kill her with poison he’d kill her for her report for this week. She did not have enough notes.

“Life is not optimal right now but it could be worse.” She answered. Canada nodded but he didn’t lose that worried look.

“What happened?” He asked. Greenland sighed.

“To make a long story short, England and France got distracted fucking on America’s couch and left me alone for a few hours resulting in a mess.” She explained. His shoulders fell a little but his face scrunched up. 

“Thanks for that image. Where is everyone?” Canada asked.

“They all went to check on America and bring me some clothes. He hasn’t come out of his room all day.” She told him. It dawned her that the most likely reason America hadn’t come out of his room all day was because something was wrong, and the most likely thing to be wrong was him being little. He didn’t want the others to know about it clearly, she should have tried to stop France, and now she had to try and stop Canada, but she didn’t know how.

“Oh, I’ll go--”

“I’d rather not be left alone again, if that’s okay?” She asked trying not to cringe at how needy she sounded. Canada, being the nice person he was, nodded and came over and sat on a dry part of the edge of the bathtub. His eyes trailed to her legs, specifically her lower thighs. There were a lot of darker raised scars there. 

“When did you start?” He asked, his voice even quieter than normal. 

“Sometime in the late seventeen hundreds.” She answered. She closed her eyes again. The light was starting to feel too bright.

“Has it been… Constant?” He asked. 

“No, sometimes I would go a few months where I didn’t feel the need. Sometimes I feel the need multiple times a day.” She had the urge today, but it would be stupid to give in and she didn’t even know how she would. She had the feeling that after this she would be having the urge often. 

“Do you just do it at home?”

“No.” He cringed.

“Have you ever done it at a meeting?” He asked. She wondered if these were normal questions that people asked. England and America hadn’t seemed that interested.

“Yes, a few times during the lunch break.” Her answer seemed to unnerve him. 

“Have you ever done it here?”

“Yes, almost every time we gather for a meeting.” She didn’t see the point in lying.

“What about holidays?” 

“Yes, most of the time I cut during those too.” He cringed.

“Have you done it at my house?” He asked. She hadn’t been to his house very often.

“Once, when you held your birthday party at home and we didn’t go anywhere and we all stayed the night.” She answered. He had invited over not just his family but also Prussia and Cuba, and everyone besides her had gotten drunk. It was not a fun time. Prussia didn’t like her on the most normal of occasions, he especially didn’t like her when she was “being a party pooper for his Birdie.” Cuba and America had fought a lot. France and England were arguing non-stop. Prussia was having fun spending time with Canada and America and insulting everyone else. Greenland remembered feeling her chest ache and disappearing into the bathroom upstairs for two hours. When she came back down no one had noticed she was gone. It was at least easier to keep a straight face at Prussia’s comments. Canada sucked in a sharp breath.

“Did anyone notice before this?” He asked. She thought of the kids when she gave them a bath asking about her arms.

“No personification. I told South Italy over the phone yesterday. You five are the only ones that know.” He nodded at her answer looking out the door.

“Have you ever tried to stop?” He asked.

“During World War Two I tried quitting. It wasn’t worth it.” She said. She didn’t want to talk about her kids. It was already hard enough to think about.

“What would make it worth it?” He asked, perking up. She didn’t know.

“If I could get rid of my feelings without it I suppose.” His shoulders dropped at her answer. 

“Why do you want to get rid of your feelings?”

“Life would be better without them. They cause problems. I hurt people when I’m angry. I burden people when I’m sad. I annoy people when I’m happy. Being calm is the best way to stay professional and stay away from conflict.” She explained slowly. 

“You’re not a burden when you’re sad and you’re not annoying when you’re happy. You might hurt people when you’re angry but that’s something to work on, not just try to get rid of the anger completely, I don’t even think you can do that.” Canada shot back. He was right about the last part, she couldn’t ever get her emotions to go away completely. Cutting was like she was burying them for some time, she was digging a deeper and deeper hole. Sometimes she couldn’t dig fast enough and emotions would come spilling out. She just had to dig faster.

“I don’t think the others would agree.” She responded.

“Well why don’t we ask them? They’re taking a long time anyway.” Canada said. Greenland felt a spike of panic but she swallowed it down.

“Walking is hard right now.” She told him, and it wasn’t a lie. The idea of walking all the way to America’s room sounded exhausting. The fact that she was going to have to walk to her bed was enough to make her chest tighten. 

“I’m just going to go check on them, I’ll be right back.” Canada told her. He started out the door.

“Canada please--” She said.

“It’ll just take a few seconds, I’ll be back I promise.” He said and he was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below I'd love to hear it! Stay safe and have a fantastic day!


	11. Chapter Eleven: England is a Dick and France is Gross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America is caught in little space by the rest of the household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So before this chapter begins this is where the incest is mentioned, however I want to state clearly that no I do not think all USUK is incest. It's just that in this particular universe America, Canada, and Greenland were all raised from a very young age by both England and France in a single household, and as such have a more parental relationship with each other. So there's my explanation of the subject, ship whatever you want it's all fictional I don't care. Anyway eventually this fic needs to go back to England's perspective so I can explain why he's being such a dick, but I don't think I've done that yet so that's lame. But he has his reasons. And France is just a jealous bitch what can I say?

America was struggling. His mind was in a panic and the space between little and big was muddled and confused. He had woken up little, already dressed for it. He knew he needed to stay and play in his room. So he had. It had been lonely but he was used to that. He had been listening to cartoons and playing with his toy soldiers when Daddy came in looking mad. He had started yelling something but stopped when he saw Alfred. Then he had sighed and asked him if he needed a change, which he did. Daddy was getting the changing mat around and clearing off a space on the floor and had laid Alfred down when France walked in. That had sent two separate jolts through America. Part of him was very happy to see his Papa, part of him was terrified. When Greenland had walked in on Alfred she had been very calm and patient. She seemed confused but that was all. France looked confused, annoyed, and disgusted. His face had been scrunched up and his eyes kept shifting between America and England. America knew he needed to be big in that moment. To come up with some sort of explanation. To laugh it off. To do something. But he was frozen. 

“What the hell is going on here?” France asked and he sounded so angry. America didn’t know what to do. He looked towards his Daddy. Daddy sighed.

“Look frog this is none of your business, just give me a minute and I’ll grab the clothes.” England said. America didn’t know what he was talking about.

“None of my business? We fuck and now you’re turning to do the same thing to America?” France asked and America was very confused and scared and he knew he had to be big but he felt so little. 

“What? No! You’ve got the wrong idea Francis!” England said standing up. France came inside fully and shut the door. America’s legs were starting to burn around his diaper. 

“Then tell me what’s going on!” France shouted. America couldn’t stop himself from crying, his chest hurt. Daddy turned around to look at him and cursed under his breath while France kept his glare on England. 

“Alfred dear it’s alright, calm down.” Daddy told him but he couldn’t. Everything was going wrong. Everyone was mad. He had been bad, but he didn’t know what he did. “Damnit Francis do you really think I would be lusting after my own son?” Daddy snapped. France faltered for a second.

“Well the positioning, the set up, what else were you two planning on doing?” France asked, much less hostile. England growled.

“Not sex, or anything to do with sex. Now this really is America’s business and he clearly doesn’t want you to know so could you please leave?” France looked to America and his face softened further. Then scrunched in confusion as he looked at America’s clothes, and the floor. France looked back to England.

“Did you cast a spell on him?” France asked and England threw his hands up in the air.

“Why does everyone assume-- No. No, I didn’t cast a spell on him.” England snapped.

“Then why is he acting like a child and in child -like clothing?” France asked.

“I told you that is his business!” England went on.

“Is this like a kinky thing that he does and you participate in?” France asked. England was bright red at this point.

“I told you I’m not doing anything sexual with my son!” 

“Then what were you about to do that had you sitting between his legs?” France asked. America just continued to cry and started pulling his hair. He felt sick to his stomach.

“I was going to change his diaper okay? It’s not anything like what you were thinking!” England admitted and America felt his entire face go hot and his stomach lurch and he raced to the bathroom connected to his room and threw up bile. He hadn’t eaten anything today, he hadn’t wanted to leave his room. He could feel his life crashing down around him. France was going to tell everyone that America was just a dumb baby who couldn’t even make it to the toliet. His boss would find out and he would be a disgrace to his country. He’d be an even bigger laughing stock to the rest of the nations. No one would ever take him seriously again. His life was over. He sat on the bathroom tile shaking like a leaf and holding himself rocking. Daddy-- England, rushed into the bathroom.

“Alfred it’s okay, calm down. France isn’t going to tell anyone. You’re going to be fine.” England said soothingly, France was behind him looking lost. “Tell him frog!” England hissed. 

“I won’t tell anyone Amerique, your secret is safe with me, whatever this secret is.” He mumbled the last part. America didn’t believe him. France was disgusted with him, he wouldn’t be able to keep this juicy gossip to himself. He’d let it slip while he was drunk to Spain or Prussia and those two would blab it to anyone who would listen. America turned and vomited into the toilet again. England came over and rubbed his back but America pushed his arm off. He didn’t want it. He shouldn’t need the comfort he shouldn’t need this. The clothes, the toys, the fucking diapers! He shouldn’t need those. He was over three hundred years old. He pulled at his hair.

“Stop that! Alfred you need to calm down.” England grabbed at his hands and America ripped them away with so much force that he took a lot of hair with him. He saw France wince.

“Stop calling me that!” America snapped, because he had to be big now, he had to be a grown up and explain to France what was going on and try to find a way to keep him from saying anything. England looked hurt for a moment before his face shifted to annoyance.

“Fine then, America stop being such a bloody baby and calm down!” England said and America sobbed at that because he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to make his thoughts stop racing, he didn’t know how to stop needing the clothes, the toys, the diapers, and he didn’t know how he was going to get through to France. “If you want me to treat you like an adult then act like one and explain to France what was going on so I don’t have to deal with anymore of his incestual jealousies.” England went further. America couldn’t breath. This wasn’t his first panic attack, normally only Canada saw him have them. He’d been having them a lot less ever since he started age regressing. He tried to do his counting, four in, hold for seven, out for eight, but he kept losing it on holding, he could only hold for two before he was gasping for air again. “America!” England snapped again. Then England and France were both pushed out of his vision and Matthew was there, holding his hands.

“Follow the beat Alfred.” Matthew said softly and began to rhythmically tap America’s hand. America tried, he really did but he still kept failing. But Matthew was there telling him that he had almost got it and that he was doing well. Eventually he was able to line up his breathing, and some of the shaking subsided and he didn’t need to rock anymore. Matthew smiled at him and wiped the tears off his face. Matthew turned around and got him some toilet paper and America wiped off the snot and drool that got on him and threw it in the toilet with the vomit. “It’s going to be okay Alfred, I’m going to go talk to England and France really quick then I’ll be right back okay?” Canada said and America nodded even though he really didn’t want Canada to go. But he needed to be a big boy. He could do this. Canada flushed the toilet and left the bathroom closing the door, but America could still make out everyone's voices.

“Is he alright?” France asked.

“No thanks to you two, what’s going on? Why did you two leave Greenland alone again?” Canada snapped. 

“Well I found Arthur and Alfred in a compromising position and when questioned about it Arthur was being evasive so I assumed that he was--”

“He is my son you sick pervert!” England snapped. 

“Gross Papa. How would you feel if England accused you of trying to sleep with me?” Canada said.

“Well I would never put you in a sexy position for Arthur to walk in on!” France argued.

“How does this lead to America having a panic attack in the bathroom?” Canada asked.

“Apparently Arthur was changing his diaper, and America would rather I have not known about that.” France answered.

“For that exact reason, you can’t keep a secret to save your life!” England snapped.

“I can too! Matthew was bound to find out about it anyway, he might as well find out now!” France snapped back.

“Why is America in diapers? And why are you changing them?” Canada asked.

“It’s America’s secret, he can tell you since he’s all big now anyway.” England grumbled.

“What does that even mean?” Canada asked. 

“It means America is an adult and he can handle his adult business himself!” England snapped once again.

“So it is a sex thing!” France deduced.

“No!” England shouted. 

“Is there magic involved?” Canada asked.

“That’s what I thought too!” France added.

“No! There’s no magic! This has nothing to do with me! It all has to do with Alfred and how he copes with stress! Don’t roll me up into it!” England went off. America dropped his head into his knees. Great, even England thought he was a freak. 

“Stop with the yelling, both of you. Do you want to freak him out again?” Canada said very sternly and it was silent for a few moments. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with America and his secrets or whatever, but I do know that it seems to mean a lot to him. So instead of trying to find a way to get jealous why don’t we give America an apology and see if he can explain it to us. If not, then we give him some time. Okay?” Canada said and after a few moments the door creaked open. Canada gave him a nice smile and came and sat down on the floor with him. “Hey buddy, are you feeling any better?” Canada asked and he nodded. “Do you think you can explain to us what’s going on?” Canada asked. America took a deep breath.

“About thirty years ago I discovered a coping mechanism called age regression. When I get really stressed I regress to a young age between two and seven. England started taking care of me sometimes when I regress. I know it’s not normal and it’s weird and kinda gross but it helps take the edge off of life and doesn’t hurt anyone else! Please don’t tell anyone?” He begged at the end. Canada and France both nodded while England still looked a little miffed. 

“Of course we won’t tell anyone, right France?” Canada said.

“Of course, how you deal with stress is your business. As long as it’s not having sex with England.” France said. America wrinkled his nose.

“Gross dude.” America said. Canada smiled at him then turned to look at England who was studiously avoiding his gaze. Canada frowned. “Why did you all come in here anyway?” America asked, because if they were all in here who was watching Greenland? Canada's face paled slightly and he jumped up.

“Maple! I told Greenland I’d be right back!” Canada said and he rushed out the bathroom and out the room. France and England looked at each other.

“You left her alone? Again?” England asked.

“You were taking a long time to just get some clothes. I was worried there was something wrong with America!” France defended.

“It hadn’t been that long! And instead of going back to her you stayed and yelled at me!” England snapped and France for once didn’t defend himself. He looked down his blonde hair covering his face.

“I’m sorry, I just…” France said trailing off.

“Don’t tell me sorry, go apologize to her.” England said although not as harsh as before. France walked out of the room, his shoulders dropped.

“Did I miss something?” America asked. England turned to him then turned back away.

“Nothing important, clean yourself up. I’m going to go fetch Greenland some clean clothes.” England said and walked out of the bathroom. America could tell England was mad at him, but he wasn’t exactly sure why. He ignored it and closed the bathroom door and changed. He had a rash but that was to be expected. He kept some spare big and little clothes in his bathroom in case of emergency situations and he put the big ones on. They felt scratchy. Being torn out of his headspace wasn’t fun. It left him with a headache and constantly feeling the pull to be little. He ignored that too. There was something wrong with Greenland and he wanted to help. He left his bathroom to find that everyone else was gone out of his room. So he went to Greenland’s and found England slowly helping her get to her bed in a pair of America’s shorts and one of his Green Day t-shirts. England got her under the covers and she sat up with her head resting on the back of the headboard, her eyes closed.

“You’re an idiot.” She said and America assumed she was talking to him but he didn’t know how she had seen him.

“I know.” France answered with a sigh. 

“And you’re an asshole.” She said pointing in the general direction of England.

“Excuse me?” England said. “Who just bathed you and dressed you and helped you get into bed! I think the proper response is thank you.”

“I wasn’t talking about me. You’re awful to America. Do you even realize how manipulative your own wording was?” She said, she sounded tired. England looked down but didn’t say anything. “He was panicking and you were trying to make him regress so he’d come to you. Or you were just making him feel worse about regressing. Every time he’s big you treat him like an idiot who can’t do anything right. You make him feel bad for feeling bad about it.” Greenland went on.

“Well it’s not my fault that when he’s an adult he still acts like a bloody child! It’s one thing when he’s regressed but when he’s big he should act like it!” England snapped and America shrunk in on himself. France and Canada turned to look at him.

“England--” Canada said.

“And how should an adult act?” Greenland interrupted.

“Like a professional.” England sniffed.

“Calm and collected?” Greenland added.

“Exactly!” England agreed. America looked down to the floor, he didn’t think Greenland would take England’s side. It shouldn’t have really come as a surprise. She was exactly the definition of a calm and collected adult. A professional. 

“Able to push feelings to the side to discuss important matters.” Greenland went on.

“Yes, and America does none of those things.” England persisted.

“But I do. And you still don’t like me.” Greenland said and America looked up. Greenland didn’t look upset, in fact when she wasn’t talking one could mistake her for asleep. England looked like he had been punched.

“I like you!” England protested.

“Yet you’re constantly telling me to loosen up.” She said. 

“When we’re at parties yes you should loosen up and actually try to have a little fun.” England explained. The British man was tense. America wondered where Greenland was going with this.

“But even at parties you’re scolding America for being too childish. So which is it?” She asked. 

“Both! You two just need to find a happy medium.” England explained raising his voice.

“So like you?” Greenland asked although she was sneering.

“What’s wrong with me?” England asked, he sounded a little hurt.

“Choking your lover at meetings for disagreeing, insulting your son, ignoring your other son, unable to take an insult without yelling about it, getting drunk at every excuse, do I need to go on? Is that how an adult should act?” Her words were bitter. 

“Greenland, I think--” France started.

“I am not perfect, but at least I can get my work done in a prompt and timely manner. I can at least maintain a relationship. I don’t need to hurt myself in a misguided attempt to gain approval.” England snapped. The room went silent. Greenland didn’t move, she still managed to look relaxed. England was shaking slightly. France and Canada were looking between the two of them like they were ready to block punches. 

“I’d like those soup and crackers now please.” Greenland said. France took the opportunity to stand up and grab England and drag him out of the room.

“Greenland he didn’t--” Canada began.

“Yes he did.” Greenland stopped him. “He always means it. Is America really okay? Is he still in his room? You should go check on him.” Greenland said. She actually sounded worried.

“I’m right here, I’m okay. How are you? You seem tired.” America said, trying to push the other conversation away. He didn’t want to think about it, he doubted Greenland did either.

“Passing out isn’t very restful as one would think.” She responded shifting to laying down. He came and sat on her other side.

“No it really isn’t. What caused you to pass out?” He asked.

“Hyperventilating.” She answered. He nodded.

“Do you want some water Greenland?” Canada asked. She nodded and Canada left to go get some.

“Why were you hyperventilating?” America asked.

“You need to clean your couch cushions.” She answered. 

“Why?” 

“France and England became intimate for a few hours on them.” She explained and he wrinkled his nose.

“Why on my couch? Ugh, so who was watching you?” He asked.

“No one. It resulted in a mess. Which resulted in hyperventilating which led to me passing out. How was your day?” She went on. If it was anyone but Greenland he would have assumed that last part to be sarcastic, but he thought she sounded genuinely interested.

“Lonely, it was nice to be able to play with other people around. When you were delirious both you and England stayed with me while I played.” America explained. 

“I suppose you could do that again now.” She said.

“I don’t know, France seems like he could be weird about it. And after what you and England said I don’t know how I feel about him either.” America admitted. She nodded. Canada came back with some water. Greenland opened her eyes and carefully grabbed it with both hands. It was still shaking badly. America gently reached for it and Greenland let him take it and he helped her drink it. 

“How did the meeting go today?” She asked Canada, closing her eyes again. He shifted.

“I was very distracted today. I didn’t notice much going on, sorry.” Canada said. 

“What happened?” She asked. Canada was still squirming in his seat.

“Nothing important.” Canada said looking down.

“Ooo did Mattie sneak off to spend time with his boyfriend instead of paying attention to the meeting? How rebellious! I’m so proud.” America teased. He expected Canada to blush and stutter, maybe try to deny it. Instead he looked upset.

“Oh yeah, you caught me.” Canada said weakly and laughed a little. “I’m going to go check on your soup.” He said before rushing out of the room. America looked to Greenland whose face was blank. He wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not.

“That was weird.” He said mostly to himself.

“He was lying, go check on him.” Greenland said, she mumbled it slightly. She really was tired.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“I’ll be fine, France and England will be back soon.” She said and he patted her on the head before chasing after Mattie. Matthew was sitting in his spot at the dining table wringing his hands together while France and England argued quietly but with heat. Neither of them noticed America and he was fine with that. He took his seat next to Matthew and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Alright Mattie, what’s up?” He said and Canada sighed running his hands over his face.

“You can’t tell Greenland, she’s already had a hard day and I don’t want to freak her out.” Canada said in a quiet rush. America nodded. “Romano is missing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, stay safe and have a great day!


	12. Chapter Twelve: Damnit Romano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland finds out that South Italy is missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired. I tried to fix all the French in this chapter but I do not speak French. I had an anxiety attack and my work let me go home but I can't sleep so I'm posting this. This chapter is okay, I go through phases whether I like it or not. Greenland is a very unreliable narrator and gets lost in her own head a lot making a lot of assumptions and taking them all as fact. Her and England are similar in that regard. Looking at this chapter from other people's perspective makes me feel bad for them. On the other hand there's only like two more chapters until the other two main characters in this fic get to shine a little, Prussia and South Italy, South Italy more so. I haven't done much with Spain, North Italy, and Germany, they're more there for Romano. Although I do like the idea of a chapter from North Italy or Germany's perspective at some point. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm very tired. I only have fifteen chapters completed and chapter sixteen has been a work in progress for like four months? My brain is very upset with this story for going the direction it did. How dare I write this? I don't know brain I just wrote what you spewed out and now you're angry about it! I wanted fluff! I wanted a fluffy story! Now South Italy has disappeared! Okay I've started arguing with myself it's time to stop typing. Hope you enjoy!

Due to the events of yesterday England decided to accompany Canada to the meeting. Greenland was glad. She had tried very hard to keep a lid on her temper the day before but England could be such a fucking asshole sometimes that it was hard. She didn’t even think he meant to be such a huge douche, it just came naturally to him. France and England had been quiet bringing her her soup and she ate half and two crackers before falling asleep. She had woken up in the middle of the night to find America laying on the other side of the bed playing on his phone. It only took her half an hour after that to fall asleep again. Now France and America were both in her room arguing over whether England drew his eyebrows on every morning or if he taped live caterpillars to his face to make them look that way. It was normal and it was nice compared to the silence of yesterday. Most of her days were silent when she was home, she had to play music or videos or else she was uncomfortable. She had grown up in a loud house, she suspected that was part of her problem. 

She had wanted to call South Italy at some point so they could discuss his confession. She had tried texting him a few times to figure out when a good time to talk would be but he hadn’t answered, he hadn’t even looked at her messages. It was strange. She gave it an hour but he still hadn’t noticed. South Italy was always on his phone at meetings, he normally only took half an hour at most to respond to her, most days it only took him five. Maybe they were getting actual work done during the meeting, but that didn’t seem likely. She texted him again just double checking that everything was alright. She added some input to the discussion France and America were having on cooking but she couldn’t stay focused on their conversation. Maybe she had waited too long to contact him after his confession and he was angry with her. Maybe he had been upset at her perceived rejection and cut himself too deep. Her chest hurt. She had lost her appetite and despite France and America’s attempts she refused to eat. She kept her phone in her hand so she would hear and feel it go off. Her mind kept flashing helpful images of what South Italy would look like bleeding out on the floor. She felt sick. America and France seemed to deduce something was wrong despite her best efforts and kept giving her worried looks. 

“Does your stomach hurt?” America would ask.

“I’m fine.” She would reply.

“Do you want some pain killers?” France would ask.

“I’m okay.” She would reply and the cycle would repeat again half an hour later. It was driving her up the wall. She wanted to get out of bed and drive to the meeting herself but she couldn’t even hold a glass of water without spilling it everywhere. Today was the second to last day of the meeting, she’d have to go home soon or explain to her boss the situation. Neither option sounded that great. 

“Is this about Romano?” France eventually asked. She looked to him to try to decipher how he figured that out. He smiled gently at her. “I can always tell when it’s about love.” He explained, although if that was true he could have figured it out two hours before. “What seems to be the problem?” France asked.

“He won’t answer my texts.” She said. 

“He’s probably busy at the meeting.” America said waving it off.

“He always answers my texts within half an hour unless something is wrong.” She responded. 

“Maybe he’s too nervous to talk to you after his confession. Try calling.” France suggested. She did, and she waited as it rang and he still didn’t answer. She didn’t bother to leave a voicemail. She looked to France and America. America had a smile that looked painful on his face and France was tapping his chin in thought. “Maybe he’s hiding from you! But if we get Canada or Angleterre to interfere then he can’t avoid you!” 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, pushing him when he’s already uncomfortable doesn’t sound like a good idea.” America chimed in. Greenland took a moment to think it over. Maybe he was avoiding her and he was uncomfortable with her now. That would suck to put it lightly, but it would be much better than him being dead. At this point talking about love was the least of her worries, she just wanted to know if he was okay.

“Call Canada and ask him to just check on South Italy, he doesn’t have to mention me.” She said and France nodded while America shifted in his chair. France got out his phone and it rang for a moment before France began to speak.

“Canada mon petit! We need your help in a matter of love! Non, nothing to do with England. We need your help with Greenland checking in on Romano, he seems to be avoiding her.” France went on. Greenland could hear Canada’s voice but couldn’t make out anything he was saying. France’s face dropped and his eyes darted to Greenland’s before smiling again. The smile was strained and very clearly fake. She looked to America and saw that his was too. Her heart started to beat faster in her chest. “Ah ha I see, so he’s just fine! Just a little shy, I’ll let her know. Au revoir!” France said before hanging up. “Canada says he’s just fine, but very embarrassed about his call. He’ll probably call you back after you’re well.” France said, putting his phone in his pocket.

“No he didn’t. What did he actually say?” She asked, gripping the blanket. The fuzziness wasn’t as comforting as she wished it was. France’s smile twitched.

“It’s really not so bad Greenland. One would expect Romano of all people to be embarrassed.” France said.

“But that’s not what Canada said. What did Canada really say?” She asked, struggling to keep her voice calm. She thought of blood pooling, the metallic taste in the air it left and the smell when it sat for too long. The way flesh pulled itself apart the deeper one cut. The different colors of the under layer of skin. His hair laying on the floor while blood soaked into it. Where would he have done it? At the meeting right after the call? Or would he have gone to the hotel? Did he mean to cut so deep or was he in too much pain to notice how much damage he was causing?

“Greenland he’s fine, you don’t need to worry about it.” America said with that stupid fake smile and she wanted to hit him and wipe that smile off his face. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Normally when she started having thoughts like that she would get a razor, but she couldn’t do that now. She wasn’t sure that she’d even want to right now, she didn’t want to see blood. 

“I’m not a fragile flower. I want to know what happened to South Italy.” She said gritting it out. 

“Why do you think something has happened to him? Nothing has happened, he’s fine!” France said, it was too high of a pitch.

“Stop lying to me!” She snapped. She needed to know he was okay. She needed to know if he was alive. If he wasn’t it was her fault. She hadn’t said anything, she hadn’t checked on him. She had burdened him and this was the result. She had always known that would be the result. Why had she told him? France and America seemed slightly taken aback at the emotion in her voice and looked to each other before France sighed and America looked out the window. She thought that they weren’t going to answer her and she was trying not to cry and figure out the best way to word why they should tell her when America spoke up.

“He’s missing.” She felt like she had been punched. She had been worried that he was hurt or dead but she had assumed that he had been found. That there was at least a definite answer to her worry, but no. She was stuck in limbo. She didn’t know what to do. He could still be dead but would they be able to find the body? If she was aiming to kill herself in a strange mostly unfamiliar city where would she go? How long had he been missing? If she was staying over night she’d kill herself in a motel or hotel. She would want to get far away from everyone. So she just needed to find motels and hotels around the city and search there. She grabbed her phone and began searching. “Greenland?” America asked, she had almost forgotten the other two were there, she had to get to work, if he wasn’t already dead they would have limited time to find him. 

“Can you bring me my laptop?” She asked. It would be easier to search on there and she could keep notes on her phone, or maybe her notebook. “And a notepad and pen.” She added, she hadn’t looked up, she was still trying to look through the motels and hotels she had found.

“Why?” America asked 

“So I can compile a list of places to look for him.” She said. She heard a sigh, she wasn’t sure which man it came from. 

“Greenland, there is already plenty of people looking for him. Besides, Romano is a grown man, he can take care of himself for a few days.” France said, she saw him coming closer out of her periphery. 

“I want him found soon, and they might not be looking in the same places I’m going to check.” She said. France grabbed her phone and pulled, she tried holding on but he was stronger. She looked up to him and failed the battle in hiding her emotions and scowled.

“You’re not checking anywhere, you’re still weak. You need to rest. Don’t worry about Romano, his family has it handled.” France said.

“Give me back my phone France.” She said.

“Greenland relax, he’ll be fine. Romano is tough, he’ll show up soon.” America smiled.

“Give me my phone.” She strained to remain civil. She could still smell blood. She wondered if he brought a knife with him or just razor blades. Would he buy a new one?

“Greenland please, be reasonable.” France said with a slight frown. 

“Give me my Goddamn phone France!” She shouted sitting up and ignoring the way the world lurched and snatched at her phone. France hopped back with a look of surprise and America jumped and came beside him. It was hard to breathe but she didn’t care. She needed that list and then she would go check every place. South Italy needed to be okay.

“Woah, hey, let’s calm down. If it’ll make you feel better we’ll let you figure out some places and have Prussia and Italy check them out okay?” France said and he handed her her phone. She didn’t bother answering and got back to searching. America brought her a pad of paper and pen along with her laptop while France went downstairs to make some food. Tedious and boring work was something Greenland excelled at. She had started practicing at England’s house and now it was all she did for work. She went as fast as she could. Then she systematically began calling places asking about someone with the description of South Italy. France came back with food she ignored as she went on with the phone calls. She had no luck. Most places refused to give out that kind of information. The few places that did denied seeing someone of that description. America and France kept trying to distract her, get her to eat, ask if she needed to use the bathroom, if she was thirsty, and if she wanted to rest. She ignored them. She kept detailed notes of every phone call she had, how the manager had reacted and whether or not they had refused or denied. She checked the reviews of the motels and hotels to see if they were any good or not and kept note of that as well. England and Canada came home and France led them out the room. She could hear them talking outside but didn’t pay attention to what they were saying. She sent a text to South Italy every half an hour asking where he was and if he could just give her a sign that he was alive. She never got another answer with that as well. 

It was dark out and her entire body ached from the work she was doing, which she found very pathetic of it. Her head was throbbing and she was shaking. No one else was in her room anymore which should have concerned her but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Nothing was as important as finding South Italy. She had just hung up on another phone call when all of the boys walked into her room and surrounded her bed. She picked up her notepad and pen and began marking down how that phone call went when England plucked the pen out of her hand. She turned to him with a scowl. He didn’t respond in kind and just looked sad. Pity, one of the most frustrating emotions to have directed at her. Before she could tell him to give it back France had taken her notepad. Canada closed her laptop and America was reaching for her phone so she stuffed it in her crotch where he wouldn’t dare touch. He paused in his reaching and then pulled back before plopping onto the bed beside her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and rested his head on her other shoulder. She was very tempted to rip him off but she worried that he was feeling little and that would just be cruel. She turned her glare to the rest of them.

“Greenland, we understand that you are very worried about your friend, but you have to take care of yourself too. No more researching tonight.” England said, as if he was talking to a child. 

“I’m fine, give me back my work.” She responded. England sighed.

“No. You’re done for the night.” He said and picked up her laptop.

“I’m not a child, you can’t tell what to do, give me back my work.” She said. England rolled his eyes.

“You’re not exactly in a position to stop me. Get some sleep Greenland.” England said and headed out of the room. She moved to get up and out of the bed but America’s extra weight held her down.

“America get off.” She said.

“Come on Greenland, you’ve worked hard today, be my cuddle buddy.” America said rubbing his face into her shoulder like a cat. France came over and ruffled her hair before walking out and Canada did a wave and turned out the lights on his way out. At least she still had her phone. She got it out and began to search when it was plucked out of her hands. “No more tonight Greenland.” America said and she counted to ten in her head to try and make the frustration go away. It didn’t work. 

“Give it back.” She hissed. He wrapped his other arm around her trapping her arms.

“No more work.” He responded. She couldn’t move, and she tried. She squirmed and wriggled. She tried to use her legs to get him off to no avail. He was snoring by the time she gave up. She laid still and tried to catch her breath. South Italy was still out there. She hadn’t made any progress. Now she wouldn’t even know if he texted her back. She couldn’t stop shaking. She couldn’t sleep. She just kept seeing blood. He was dead. She knew it. It was her fault. She might as well have killed him. She knew he was stressed already, she knew he was vulnerable, and she had hurt him. She had burdened then rejected him. She was crying and she couldn’t stop it. The tears didn’t feel nice on her face and she couldn’t even wipe them off. South Italy wouldn’t come back to life since Italy didn’t need two personifications. Who would find his body? North Italy and Germany probably, North Italy would scream, cry, cradle South Italy’s head as he begged for him to wake up. Germany would go pale and have to drag North Italy away. They would notice on the body after it was cleaned that it was scarred. They would all wonder how no one had noticed, but she had. They would hate her and she would deserve it. If they didn’t blame her for her rejection they would blame her for her negligence. She always packed medicine, she always packed bandages, and she always kept her phone on her to be ready in case he needed her, but it wasn’t enough. Her breath hitched and her body spasmed as she worked to hold in sobs. She was failing as high pitched noises escaped her throat.

“Greenland? Greenland! It’s okay, he’s okay, everything is okay.” America said sleepily at first then jerking awake and sitting up pulling her into his chest. She grabbed onto his shirt and pressed her face in his chest trying to gain some pressure to help ground her. He held her back and ran his fingers through her hair. He rocked them back and forth but she couldn’t calm down, she felt sick. She wanted to hurt herself, punish herself for causing this tragedy. But she didn’t want to see blood anymore, she didn’t want to smell it. It was already in her head. She was pretty sure she couldn’t smell the difference between his blood and hers. “Come on Greenland, breathe, he’s okay.” America whispered but she couldn’t take it.

“No, no he’s dead I know he is!” She sobbed.

“Shh, he’s not dead. He’s just fine, he’ll turn up soon. He wouldn’t want to miss his plane home would he?” America said.

“It’s all my fault.” She said, because it was and it kept repeating in her head. America wouldn’t get it, because he didn’t know. He hadn’t seen South Italy ripping into his own arms on the floor of his bathroom. He hadn’t bandaged his wounds after bad days and seen them barely scabbed over. He didn’t know how close South Italy had been to death before, how often. He didn’t know how much South Italy hated himself. And she had made it worse.

“It’s not your fault, it was his choice to run away.” America said.

“I burdened him. I hurt him.” 

“He’s the one who didn’t wait to hear what you were going to say.” 

“I didn’t know what to say. I should have said I love you too. I shouldn’t have told him. I knew better!” She pushed on.

“What did you tell him?” America asked.

“I told him about the cutting when I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it would be too much. I knew it’d push him over the edge. I knew and I did it and now he’s dead, and it’s my fault.” She went on, she was getting close to giving away too much detail but even in this state she knew she couldn’t betray South Italy’s trust. Though what did trust mean if he was dead? People would find out anyway, probably all the personifications in the end. They weren’t really good at keeping secrets and rumors spread like wildfire. But he wouldn’t want anyone to know. So no one was finding out through her.

“He’s not dead Greenland, and even if he was, that wouldn’t be your fault. He just got a lot of information and needed to absorb it on his own. He’ll be back soon and we’ll have him come see you to prove that he’s fine.” America went on and it was frustrating her that he was treating her like she was overreacting. She wasn’t, she knew she wasn’t because she knew South Italy. South Italy was like her, they looked at life and wanted an escape. They lived for each other and their country. His country didn’t need him in his mind. Now in his mind she had rejected him too.

“You don’t understand.” She told him, because America didn’t. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t making her feel any better or that he was ignorant of the situation. It was her fault. All of this was her fault. If she had just been more careful and had not let herself get poisoned then America would have never had to reveal his secret, her secret would have never been revealed, and she never would have told South Italy resulting in him staying alive. It all boiled down to her stupidity, carelessness. 

“I understand that whatever actions South Italy chooses to take is his own choice and his fault, not yours.” America said, his voice steady and calm. She wondered how he was able to stay so calm in this situation, she had thought he would want to play hero to make her feel better, maybe take her to his car and they could drive around looking for the missing nation. She would have very much preferred that. 

“But I’m the one who pushed him to those actions. If I hadn’t been so careless it never would have happened. None of this would have happened.” She pushed. 

“I will tell you all night if I have to: this is not your fault.” America said and she growled and pushed away from him, he let her but still kept his arms around her back.

“Then you’re going to be lying to me all night and I don’t want to hear it! Just help me find his body, please.” She was practically begging but she didn’t care as long as he helped her. America’s face was full of pity.

“Greenland you need to take care of yourse--”

“I do not care what happens to me, I care about finding him.” She gritted out.

“We care what happens to you! We want you to be healthy and okay and you won’t be if you spend all night driving around New York checking every hotel and motel in existence!” America said finally raising his voice at her, she knew he’d run out of patience eventually but hers had run out a while ago.

“I’ll live, he won’t.” She stated looking him dead in the eye. She wasn’t sobbing anymore, new determination making the helpless feeling go away.

“He is not going to die out there, he’s a personification--”

“Italy doesn’t need two personifications anymore, if he were to be injured fatally there is no guarantee he would come back.” She interrupted. America looked a little taken aback for a moment as if this was the first time he had thought of that. 

“Still South Italy is a tough dude, he wouldn’t let anyone--”

“I’m not afraid of anyone else doing anything to South Italy. Can we please go look for him?” Greenland pushed, she knew she was on the edge of giving away South Italy’s secret but she technically hadn’t said anything and she needed to make sure he was safe. America’s eyes narrowed for a moment and he stared at her like a puzzle, until suddenly his eyes widened and darted down to her arms before coming back to her.

“Fine, let’s go.” He said, and he was helping her out of bed and down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Does this count as a cliff hanger? Does the last chapter count as a cliff hanger? I don't know. Sorry if so, cliff hangers suck. Let me know what you thought below! How do you think South Italy is doing? Stay safe, get better sleep than me, and have a great day!


	13. Chapter Thirteen: We All Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canada, France, and England, search for America and Greenland who are searching for South Italy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with me right now, it's like I have to push through a gelatinous wall in order to move or think. I can't read this chapter to do final edits because of this but I think it's fine. If not oh well sorry for a shitty chapter. I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter besides that I like Canada. And Prussia. So I'm mean to them. yeet. I miss writing about Greenland. I miss writing. I wish I could write stories again. woop

Canada woke up and knew he had been having a bad dream based on his racing heart and out of controllable breathing but he didn’t remember any of it. His forehead was slick with sweat and it made him want a shower but he wasn’t sure if he would have enough time. He only had half an hour before the last day of the meeting. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen after that. Greenland was doing better but she was still very weak physically and who knew what was going on with her mental health. They couldn’t just leave her alone but they all had jobs to do. England wanted to take her back to his house, he had the most room and it would be familiar for her. Canada didn’t think that Greenland would take that very well, but he didn’t say anything to the English man about it. England had still been sore from his argument with Greenland the day before. If he was going to take all the insults she had for him that badly he definitely wouldn’t be good for her recovery. Canada had helped America with his recovery and some days the normally happy go lucky nation was very angry, and in no mood to be helped. He would spit rapid fire insults and dig in deep where it would hurt Canada the most in an attempt to drive him out of the house. Afterwards with some time to calm down he had always been horribly apologetic and tried to do whatever it took to gain Canada’s forgiveness. Canada didn’t think that England would be able to handle that. It may even be worse with Greenland since it was hard to tell how she was feeling with her constantly blank face. It had been hard to even tell she was angry with England until she started listing off his flaws. Canada still wasn’t sure how she felt about England’s rebuttal, she just ignored it but the silence showed that it had affected her at least some. He shook his head and got dressed.

He went downstairs to find that France and England were already awake, France was humming to himself as he washed some dishes and England was reading a newspaper. There was a plate of uneaten scrambled eggs in front of him with some bacon on the side. Canada exchanged good mornings with France and took some eggs and bacon for himself. There was one other problem that was going on, Romano’s disappearance. Canada was hearing all about it from Prussia who was working with Spain, Germany, and Italy to look for him. They hadn’t had any luck. They were checking nice hotels and farmers markets. Big mall like shops too but they had found nothing. Canada had considered sending them the list of places that Greenland had been compiling but they didn’t really scream Romano to him at all. He assumed Greenland’s paranoia was causing her to check all these places. Prussia probably wouldn’t appreciate Greenland stepping into the search anyway, it seemed that most of Romano’s family was blaming her for Romano’s reaction. Canada didn’t really appreciate that, it wasn’t Greenland’s fault that Romano flew off after confessing his love to her out of nowhere. Prussia was also getting extremely frustrated by her constant texting of Romano’s phone. They kept hoping it was Romano trying to contact them only to see it was Greenland again. Canada thought that she would probably stop if someone told her that Romano didn’t have his phone but by the time he had heard about the problem they had already confiscated Greenland’s things.

France had thought Greenland’s actions were romantic but concerning, whilst England had just found them concerning and paranoid. Canada found them all three. He had known that Greenland could get obsessive with her work, but he had never seen it in full action himself. Staying in one place for hours doing the same thing over and over again. She had barely seemed aware of the world around her. Then how angry she got when they took it away from her. Canada wasn’t sure how well that would have gone if she was at full strength. Sure she couldn’t take down either him or America but he didn’t want it to turn to violence at all and that’s probably where it was headed. He was glad America volunteered to watch her at night, he did not want to deal with the stress of staying up all night against a struggling nation. He wondered how America had fared? He took care of his empty plate and grabbed a second one to bring to Greenland. He went up the stairs and quietly knocked on the door to warn them he was coming in before opening it and finding an empty room. The blankets had been moved out the way. He set the food on the desk and checked the bathroom, but it was empty too. 

“America? Greenland?” He asked, looking around. Maybe America had taken her to his room? Canada wasn’t sure why he would do that but he checked anyway, but nothing had changed. There were still toys all over the floor and some drawn on paper but no sign of America or Greenland. Canada found his heartbeat starting to speed up. He checked all the rooms upstairs, but there was no sign of them. He went down stairs and searched the living room, but there was nothing, he looked downstairs, nothing. He went back to the kitchen only to realize there was a sign, and it was all of the stuff they took from Greenland was missing too. He wouldn’t, Canada thought before racing outside. America’s car was gone.

“Goddamnit America!” He shouted rushing back into the house and pulling out his phone. He called America tapping his foot in impatience, it rang for a while before it sent him to voicemail. “Damnit! How could you be so stupid!” Canada shouted to himself.

“Is everything alright out there Canada?” France asked, popping his head into the living room.

“No! America and Greenland are missing, I’m guessing they went to look for Romano.” Canada said dialing Greenland. It didn’t even ring and sent him straight to voicemail. 

“What? That bloody wanker! We all agreed it would be best if she stayed and got some rest!” England shouted, also entering the archway between the kitchen and the living room. 

“Well neither of them are here, America’s car is gone, and neither of them will answer their phones.” Canada added. He did not have time for this. He couldn’t believe his brother. Well no he could believe it, all Greenland had to do was hype him up about being the hero that saved Romano and America would be jumping all over the idea. Canada couldn’t believe he had trusted America with Greenland. All America had to do was keep her in her bed that night, why was that too much to expect of his brother? Why didn’t America just run off on his own? That at least would have been a breeze to deal with, if not slightly annoying. France and England were arguing and Canada had a fucking headache and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet. The meeting could wait, he had to go find his idiot brother and hope Greenland was intact with him. He texted Prussia to let him know that he wasn’t going to be at the meeting and waited for a point in France and England’s argument for him to be able to break in. 

“You two can continue arguing in the car, we need to go find them.” Canada said in his loudest calm voice he could and luckily it worked and they all piled into France’s rental with France in the driver's seat, England in the passenger's seat and Canada in the back.

“She was just checking every hotel in the city right? It shouldn’t be too hard to find them then.” England said.

* * *

It was eight pm when Canada decided he hated America. They had been all over the city trying to find them. France and England’s arguments had long since gone from playful to bitter and Canada couldn’t keep his leg still even if he wanted to. He had been texting Prussia back and forth about their missing nations and checking where the other had checked to make sure they weren’t hitting the same places. As expected Prussia was pissed about the recent developments. He didn’t want to deal with two other missing nations and he felt that neither of them had the right to interfere in Romano’s business. As it turned out, Germany had straight up canceled the meeting because so many important nations wouldn’t be appearing. They had just finished checking another stupid hotel when Canada’s phone started ringing. He answered it exhausted.

“Hello?”

“Mattie!” That motherfucker. “I get that you’re probably really mad but--”

“Really mad doesn’t cover it Alfred! Where the hell are you!” Canada snapped.

“We’re at the hospital okay? We’re--”

“The hospital? Is Greenland okay? What happened?” Canada fired off in a panic, England and France were both staring at him.

“Greenland is fine! Well okay not fine she passed out but that’s not the point!” America said and Canada gaped.

“How the hell is passing out fine! What hospital are you at?” Canada pressed.

“Listen would you! You need to call Italy and get him to come to New York-Presbyterian Hospital right away, I’d call him but I lost his number and Greenland’s phone is dead.” America went on and Canada blanched.

“Why Italy? What’s going on?” Canada asked.

“Long story short we found Romano in not the best condition. I’ll explain more when you get here.” America said and then he hung up. Canada stared at his phone for a moment. He hadn’t actually ever considered that Greenland and America would find Romano, let alone find him hurt. He snapped out of it and began rushing to the car.

“Matthew! What is going on?” France asked.

“They’re all at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, I need to call Italy, look up directions on google maps.” Canada said and the other two males got to work right away. Canada dialed Italy’s number.

“Hi Canada, sorry I can’t really talk right now--” Italy started but Canada cut him off.

“America and Greenland found Romano, he’s at New York-Presbyterian Hospital and apparently not the best condition.” 

“What? What happened?” Italy screeched making Canada hold the phone away from his ear.

“I don’t know, we’re on our way there now, I haven’t had the chance to tell anyone else, can you let them know?” Canada asked. 

“Si, si, I’ll do it right away, thank you Canada!” Italy said before hanging up. Canada sighed and waited anxiously as they drove silently to the hospital.

* * *

When they arrived they rushed in and realized they didn’t know the names that Greenland or Romano would be signed in as. Canada couldn’t remember Romano’s human name to save his life and he didn’t know what Greenland used as her human name. While this led him to falter, France and England charged anyway and started describing the two to the poor nurse who was telling them she couldn’t help them if they didn’t know the name and weren’t family. Canada took a step back and spotted America waving to him. Canada drew England and France’s attention towards the other blonde and they all went rushing towards him. England immediately began scolding America and Canada didn’t blame him since he wanted to do the same, but then he actually got a good look at America and his bad mood dissipated. America’s clothes were covered in blood. His jacket, his white shirt which had previously just had a pac man image with some ghosts was now stained a dark brown red, and so were his jeans. There even was some in his hair and a bit on his ear. There were bags under America’s eyes that were darker than they had been in a while and his smile was strained. England paused mid rant when his eyes trailed further down.

“What…?” England said trailing off. America rubbed the back of his head.

“Why don’t I take ya to Greenland’s room and we can talk about this?” America said. England nodded still too shocked to speak and they went through the halls and into a small room. “I couldn’t stop them from taking her in after she collapsed in the waiting room. They’re running some tests on her now, she hasn’t really moved at all since she fell.” America explained moving to sit in the chair next to her bed. Her clothes were covered in more blood than America’s and she was laying on top of the blankets. There was an I.V in her arm, she was sweaty, and grayer than normal but otherwise she seemed uninjuried. Canada sat on the couch close to his brother. England went and took Greenland’s hand and France sat beside Canada’s other side. “So uh, I’m not sure how to explain this without upsetting Greenland but seeing as we’re both covered in blood there’s no getting out of it. Romano tried to kill himself. Greenland knew that that was what he was trying to do and that’s why she was freaking out so hardcore. He uh, slashed his wrists open and cut a lot of other places beforehand. He left a few letters which I left in my car. He’s still in critical condition, the doctors think it’s a miracle he’s alive at all. Don’t know if Greenland’s worry about his death being permanent or not is real or not so for now I’ve just been waiting.” America finished, he was looking at the floor. 

“I don’t understand… Why would little Romano try to kill himself? And how did Greenland know?” France asked.

“Well uh, from the looks of it. This isn’t the first time Romano has cut himself. And Greenland seemed very sure that Romano had been on edge for awhile and that she uh, pushed him over the edge.” America explained removing his glasses so he could rub his eyes.

“So what, they were cutting buddies?” England asked and Canada cringed. 

“No I don’t think so, she said that telling him about her cutting was what pushed him over the edge.” America answered.

“How did you two find him?” France asked.

“We went to every hotel and motel on Greenland’s list she hadn’t already crossed off. She was pretty sure he would go to cheaper and more skeezy hotels that were far away from the one he was already staying at. When we would go inside she would explain that it was a life or death situation and uh, sometimes bribe the staff. She can be very persuasive.” America said, Canada was pretty sure America had a headache from the way he was holding his head. The room was silent, France and America both looking at the floor and England holding onto Greenland’s hand and looking over her face. Canada struggled to keep his eyes off America. He had been so angry with America this morning, he had been so convinced that Greenland was just paranoid. He had been wrong. What would have happened if those two hadn’t gone out? America needed a break, that was clear. 

“Can you show me where Romano is, then I’ll stay in the waiting room to wait for Italy.” Canada said. America nodded.

“They can’t go see Romano yet, he’s still getting a transfusion and all that other medical stuff done.” America explained. “He’s listed under Lovino Vargas. In case they’d rather stay out in the waiting room instead of hiding out in here.” Canada nodded and went out to wait. The hospital was rather quiet, although it was night and he wasn’t in the emergency room itself. There was a little area full of vending machines and empty shiny chairs that looked like they should be comfortable for the first ten minutes of sitting but would ache after the next hour. Canada had been stuck in and out of a car most of the day and it really made him regret not taking that shower in the morning. He had just thrown on a t-shirt he had packed as pajamas and a pair of sweat pants to go look for Greenland and America, it didn’t feel like the appropriate clothes to be wearing to tell somebody that their brother had tried to commit suicide. What would be the appropriate clothes for that though? A suit and tie would be too formal, what he was wearing was too casual, what America was wearing was too traumatizing. There was nothing to be done. He regretted volunteering to give the news, France would have been a better choice. He was closer to Italy and got along with Prussia well. Italy considered France family. Canada was just Italy’s crush’s brother's boyfriend. Canada swallowed, maybe he should go get France. But then there was the auburn hair with a single curl flying through the door in hysterics followed by a straight back blonde, a loud albino, and a completely panicked Spaniard. They rushed the nurses desk with Italy sobbing and Spain practically screaming. Germany was trying to get them to calm down while also getting the needed information across to the nurse but Prussia had seen Canada and made a beeline towards him. 

“Birdie! What happened? Is he okay?” Prussia rushed holding Canada by the arms and his deep red eyes staring into Canada’s own. Prussia had always been there for him to complain and break down against, he had held him tight and told him everything would be okay. Canada wanted to do the same for him, but he couldn’t tell him everything would be okay because Canada didn’t know for sure. He wasn’t a good liar, and he wasn’t good at finding the positive. He wasn’t the one people looked towards for answers or hope. He was the shadow in the background. Except for Prussia. For once he wished he was still a shadow.

“It’s uh, not good.” Canada said and he didn’t know why his eyes were welling with tears. He wasn’t really close to Romano at all. All the man did was call him burger bastard’s brother and ask about Greenland. Maybe it was because he knew that Prussia cared about Romano, and that this news was going to hurt him. He took a deep breath. “He’s in critical condition. They’re still working on a blood transfusion.” Canada finished. Prussia’s grip tightened painfully on Canada’s arms but he didn’t complain. Prussia’s eyes had gone hard and his entire body was tense.

“What happened?” Prussia asked again, much darker.

“America said it was a suicide attempt.” Canada whispered. Prussia gasped like he had been punched in the gut and he was squeezing even tighter. Canada was sure there were going to be bruises in the morning. 

“Where did they find him?” Prussia asked his voice hoarse.

“He uh, didn’t say. I know that they were checking motels and hotels.” Canada replied. Prussia ripped his arms off Canada and threw them in a down gesture.

“Damnit! We should have known to check for motels too! Fuck!” Prussia shouted, the others seemed to notice them and came flocking over. Italy was sobbing into Germany’s side and Spain looked like someone had taken the sun away. Germany himself looked okay besides for how tense he was. Germany cleared his throat, his hand was securely on Italy’s back rubbing small circles.

“You said that America and Greenland found him?” Germany asked and Canada nodded not trusting himself to speak. He was sure he’d say the wrong thing and hurt the Italian even more. “Are they still here? We’d like to thank them.” 

“Uh yeah, they’re over this way.” Canada said, he was pretty sure he knew the way back. The small group followed him until they were back in the tiny room. Greenland still lying still in bloody clothes, America with his head in his hands in the chair, France and England were on the couch with England holding France and stroking his hair. Only England looked up when they entered.

“What happened?” Germany asked, seeming a little surprised.

“She went out all night sick as a dog to search and collapsed at the hospital.” England responded, he sounded cold but Canada was pretty sure it was from multiple days of constant stress rather than hostility. 

“Her arms…” Italy said and Canada had almost forgotten how shocking looking at her arms could be. It had just become his normal now. Prussia sucked in a sharp breath. Greenland probably wouldn’t be happy with this many people knowing her secret now but there was really no good option. 

“Did he leave anything?” Spain asked suddenly. Canada looked to America who still hadn’t moved. 

“America?” Canada gently prodded. America’s head shot up and he blinked a few times before putting his glasses back on and smiling at the others.

“Hey guys, I didn’t hear you come in.” He said, everyone in the room looked at him strangely except Canada, who had seen him enter one of these kind of moods before. America had a habit of getting lost in his own head when he was seriously down. This was affecting him hard. 

“They wanted to know if Romano left anything.” Canada reminded and while America’s smile stayed bright his shoulder rose.

“Oh uh, yeah. He left some letters, they’re in my car, I can go get them if you want?” America said. Italy turned to wail in Germany’s side while Spain nodded. America hopped up and Spain followed him out the door. Prussia went over and examined Greenland’s arm, turning it so he could see all around it. England scooted himself and France over so Germany and Italy could sit down, although Italy was just in Germany’s lap. Canada went to stand by Prussia, who was tracing some of the scars with his fingers. Canada didn’t know what to say, he wanted to ask if Prussia was alright but of course he wasn’t. He wanted to ask if he could get Prussia anything but he didn’t know where anything in the hospital was and he didn’t have any money on him. He didn’t think to bring his wallet with him when it was just a search to find America being stupid. He really wished it had just been America being stupid. 

“Did she know?” Prussia asked. Canada didn’t understand, from the look of everyone else in the room they didn’t either.

“Know what?” Canada asked.

“What he was planning to do?” Prussia asked. He wasn’t looking at them, but at Greenland’s arm. Canada remembered the conversation that they had a few days ago, where he told Prussia about Greenland’s cutting and suicidal thoughts. Prussia had immediately rushed to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. Canada wondered whose fault it really was. Could they blame Greenland for falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms when they were the ones who had left her so unhappy? Was it Romano’s fault that he tried to kill himself? Or was it everyone who hadn’t noticed his suffering? Or worse, the ones who had known about his suffering and did nothing? Why was blame one of the first things that came to their minds when tragedy struck? Was there justice to achieve? Canada didn’t know. But he knew that some people couldn’t accept a blameless situation, and Prussia was one of them.

“America said that she was pretty sure of his intentions, that’s how she convinced him to take her searching.” England answered. Prussia’s nail dug into one of Greenland’s scars, one that was pale and raised. 

“Then why didn’t she tell anyone?” Prussia gritted out and Canada put a hand on his arm so he would stop pressing so hard into Greenland’s skin. England was tense, he held onto France’s shoulder tightly and looked ready to hop up in a moment's notice. 

“She told America who helped her find him.” Canada said gently. Prussia pulled his hand off and gripped the metal sides of the bed instead.

“We were already out looking! We could have found him faster and stopped him!” Prussia shouted bending over, spit flying from his mouth.

“Prussia that’s enough.” Germany said, eyeing his brother. 

“Better yet, if she knew him so fucking well than why didn’t she say anything back to him on that phone call? Was she trying to hurt him? Congratulations you fucking bitch! You hurt him pretty good!” Prussia shouted, leaning down to yell in her face. Canada reached over and gripped his shoulders to pull him back and Prussia pushed him off knocking him into the counter behind him. England shot up out of his seat.

“Get the hell away from my daughter !” England shouted. America rushed in with Spain behind and took one look at the situation before grabbing Prussia and hauling him away from Greenland and leaving him on the floor. America went and started checking over Greenland while Prussia stood back up and seemed to be intent on marching over to America but Germany grabbed him by the shoulder roughly. Canada hadn’t even seen Germany stand up, but he was and he looked pissed.

“Outside, now.” Germany ordered and Prussia ripped Germany’s hand off him but stormed out nonetheless. Italy was curled on the couch staring at America’s bloody coat. France had curled further into himself during the commotion but England stayed standing and came over to Greenland’s other side to look her over with America. America turned to Canada and looked him over.

“Did he hurt you?” America asked, his voice more serious than before. Canada’s back would definitely be bruised but he wasn’t about to sick America on his boyfriend.

“I’m fine.” Canada waved him off, America stared at him a little longer before deflating and heading back to the chair to sit in with his glasses off and his head in his hands. England brushed some of Greenland’s hair out of her face. Spain sat in England’s old spot, his hands full of papers. He seemed to stop at one and Canada watched his eyes go back and forth on the page before spilling over with tears.

“Oh Lovi, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Spain whispered curling the letter close to his chest. Italy rubbed his back. Canada wondered what the letter said but didn’t dare to ask. A doctor came in, she didn’t seem surprised by the number of people in the room. She came over and looked at Greenland’s chart and nodded to herself before looking around the room.  
“Hello everyone, I’m doctor Cassium and I’ll be looking after Ginger.” Canada cringed, he knew when Greenland woke up she would be pissed. She despised being called Ginger, the name England had given her when she refused to tell him her human name. She threw a fit whenever they had called her it at home. He hadn’t heard anyone call her Ginger in years. But what else was America supposed to call her? “After some testing it seems she has cadmium poisoning. Mr. Jones, you said she has been in this state for almost a week?” Dr. Cassium asked. America didn’t answer.

“Yes she has.” England answered instead, the doctor nodded but she looked confused. 

“Normally a patient only has symptoms this severe for a little while after they no longer are exposed, a few days at most. She may have ingested some but that shouldn’t be causing symptoms for this long unless she was continuing to ingest it.” The doctor said.

“She’s mainly been eating saltine crackers and tomato soup, if we can even get her to eat that.” England responded. The doctor noted something down and looked down at Greenland as if she was a puzzle. 

“When she wakes up let a nurse know please? I’ll be back later with hopefully a fuller explanation.” She said with a small smile before walking out. Poison. It explained why she was sick when even her country wasn’t. But how would she have gotten poisoned? Canada didn’t have long to ponder it at all because another doctor came walking in.

“Mr. Jones? Mr. Vargas has come out okay, he’s asleep but welcome to visitors.” The doctor said, Italy and Spain shot up to follow the man, France did too but looked to England who gave him a nod and then all three of them were on their way. Canada sat down on the couch and leaned back. His back hurt. England was holding Greenland’s hand tight. America was trembling slightly. Canada didn’t know what to do, what to think. He closed his eyes when suddenly he remembered what his nightmare had been about. He had been trapped in the dark, and he could hear his family and Prussia talking around him but he couldn’t get to them. He couldn’t reach them no matter how far he ran. It had been cold. The hospital was cold too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought below. Stay safe and have a great day!


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Is Greenland a Bitch? Reviews Mixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romano and Greenland in the hospital being worried about each other instead of themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not have the energy for a final review of this chapter hopefully it's okay. I can't believe it's March 2021. Doesn't feel right. Doesn't feel fair. When did I even start posting this story? I started writing it in mid late 2020. I haven't wrote anymore of it since at least November. What is time? Why am I congested? Why do I have class today? It's 10:30am and I've already done two pages of homework. Life doesn't seem to appreciate me enough. I need to stop eating raw cookie dough for breakfast. I opened this document and two sentences were missing and replaced by key smashes. I'm blaming one of my six cats on that. There's only one chapter finished after this one, and no it's not an ending. This story will just be on a long hiatus after that, sorry about that. I think reading this is enough to show everyone that I'm not in tip top shape.

Romano woke up exhausted. The lights were too bright so he shut his eyes and groaned. He went to stretch but his arms hurt. He was on a bed. He didn’t remember going to bed. What did he remember? The phone call, Greenland’s silence, everyone’s eyes, and running. He took the car and went back to the hotel and grabbed a notebook, a pen, and his favorite knife before speeding off again. He found some shitty motel that was over an hour away from the hotel he’d been staying at and paid in cash for a couple of nights. Fuck the meeting. Fuck those other nations. Fuck Greenland. But he couldn’t make himself believe that last one. He stayed inside for days, sleeping and thinking. Why hadn’t she said anything? She knew that he cut, he wouldn’t judge her for doing it too. How long had she been doing it? Did she start because of him? Did he give her the idea? Then why was she trying so hard to make him stop? It didn’t make sense. She didn’t make sense. When had she ever made sense? Maybe she didn’t trust him. That was the most plausible reason. He had thought that they were close but maybe not. Maybe she didn’t see him in the same way he saw her. He didn’t know. He had just thought… There was only one person on the planet that he thought liked him best, but now he didn’t know. Everyone else preferred his little brother, and his little brother preferred that fucking potato bastard. There had to be something wrong with him to make him so unlikeable. He had tried, he had really tried for Spain but he still wanted Vene over him. 

But why would anyone like him? He was always angry and he wasn’t good at anything. Not cleaning, art, gardening, music, nothing. He’d been a failure at everything he had ever tried. It really shouldn’t have been surprising that Greenland didn’t trust him, he didn’t trust himself. He opened his eyes again, the light still hurt but he could handle it. The room wasn’t familiar. There was a beeping in the background. He looked around and realized he was in a hospital bed. He looked at his arms and they were covered in bandages. Then it hit him. He remembered pacing in that shitty bedroom for hours before sitting down and writing his final goodbyes and stripping until he was naked in the tub and then he was cutting away. How had they found him? Was he alive because he couldn’t die or because they had found him in time? He looked around again and saw Spain, Vene, Prussia, and Germany. They were all asleep, with Spain and Prussia leaning on each other and Vene laying across Germany on the couch. He tried not to feel disappointed not to see Greenland. She was sick, she shouldn’t come to a hospital. 

“Which one of you fuckers keeps snoring?” He asked, because he wanted to lighten the mood at least a little while waking them up. None of them seemed to respond at first but then Germany’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around, giving a sappy look to Vene before his eyes spotted Romano’s and widened. Germany shook Vene whispering to him and Vene jumped out of his lap kicking both Prussia and Spain in the process and flopped himself sobbing onto Romano.

“I thought I had lost you! I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up again and I didn’t even know that something had been wrong until Canada called! I’m the worst Fratello ever! I’m so sorry Romano! Please don’t leave!” Vene’s cries pulled at Romano’s heart strings a little but he was making his chest and arms hurt.

“Alright, alright, I get it! You’re sorry, get off.” He said and Vene pulled back sniffling only for Spain to take his place. 

“Oh Lovi don’t ever scare us like that again!” Spain cried and Romano pushed him off too. Then the doctor came in and said some boring stuff that Romano couldn’t have cared less about, blah blah, miracle, blah blah, very lucky, blah blah. Germany of course was handling all of it like it really mattered and Romano wouldn’t just heal in a few weeks. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t like he hadn’t almost bled out before, although, only Greenland knew that. He wondered if Greenland was better yet, or if those dumb fucks had ever gotten her a doctor. He’d have to call her later once the rest of these idiots calmed down. Prussia for once just looked tired and serious, he wasn’t really joining in on the ask Romano fifty thousand questions that all had the same answer of I’m fine please fuck off. Not surprisingly everyone seemed to be getting annoyed with this answer. Romano didn’t know what to tell them. He had wanted to die, he’d wanted to die for awhile. He’d isolated himself to stew for a few days and all those urges exploded. Now that he had had some decent sleep he was able to think a little clearer, and if he was going to tell anyone those thoughts it wouldn’t be any of them.

They were all distracted by a commotion in the hall, there was some yelling, with a British accent to it and the sound of pounding feet. Then brown skin and hair ran into the room and brown eyes stared at him and into his soul. Greenland stood there in a dressing gown and an IV stand staring at him. She was breathing hard and he had a feeling she had run there. She didn’t say anything at first, just stared at him. Her entire body was tense and she gripped the pole that had whatever was dripping into her IV so hard it was all shaking. England ran in after her a moment later going off about weakness and responsibility but stopped when he saw the stare down. Then Greenland took one deep breath and stood up straighter and her face fell into a neutral position.

“You’re awake.” She said, she sounded normal enough. She was still gripping the IV pole hard though.

“Yeah and how the fuck did you know that?” Romano asked, then internally cringed for sounding so harsh. He didn’t want to give the impression that he was mad at her. He wasn’t really. He knew that all of this was his fault. He had spiraled and instead of coming to her for help he had run away from her. She was already dealing with a lot of shit, more than he had previously thought and he had just added to it. He looked away from her only for his eyes to land on her arms. They were similar yet different to his. The scars were shorter but there were more of them. They went all around her arms. He wondered what her legs looked like.

“Prussia texted Canada and he told me. How are you feeling?” She said and he was so sick of that damn question. He was also sick of her formality. She normally loosened up a little around him but that wouldn’t happen in front of all these people. He just wanted a chance to talk to her privately but his brother seemed to have no intention to ever leave his side again. That would be annoying but it wouldn’t last, Vene got bored easily. 

“I’m fine, I keep telling everyone that but they aren’t listening.” He said he wanted to wave his arm but it would hurt too much to be worth it.

“Perhaps because your heart stopped beating two days ago.” She said, she said in that same calm voice as if she had been saying the sun was setting. Romano felt his breath catch in his throat and he wasn’t exactly sure why. Dying wouldn’t have been so bad, it’s what he had wanted. But what would have happened to Greenland? What would Vene have done when he was suddenly in charge of Italy alone? Who would have helped Spain with his garden? Did this mean he wouldn’t fade away when he died? That he was still cosmically needed to run Italy? 

“I think that’s enough medical talk! Thank you for visiting Greenland but you should really be heading back to your own room now yes?” Spain said eyeing England with his eyes. England grabbed her shoulders and began trying to lead her out but she fought against him, her eyes staying trained on Romano. She was normally very calm about his cutting, well outwardly at least. He could tell she worried about it a lot, she was always looking for signs if he had done it recently. But she took it in stride, bandaging his wounds after applying medicine. She would ask him how he was feeling, what triggered it, and then would help him sort out his tangled thoughts. She didn’t cry or raise her voice at him. She still wasn’t but he had a feeling she wanted to. She was restraining herself from saying what she really wanted to say, but he didn’t know what she really wanted to say. 

“Greenland, let the poor boy get his rest, come on.” England grumbled to her tugging harder forcing her to stumble. Romano felt worse when he saw that there were tears in her eyes. He had never seen her cry before. Not when he was sobbing his eyes out yelling at her about his pain or when she calmly described some of the worst parts of her childhood. He hadn’t wanted to be the reason she cried. 

“I love you South Italy, I’ll visit you tomorrow.” She said before she was dragged out of the room, England’s scolding carrying through the hallway. He felt like she had hit him, he didn’t know what to say or think. Greenland wasn’t one for declarations, she stated what she thought plainly but was careful of her words. She had always been reassuring him that she liked him, that she cared about him. She often used the word important to describe him despite the fact that he knew he wasn’t. But love wasn’t one of them. Her human parents were the main people she talked about loving, rarely America and Canada. Her feelings towards France and England were so complicated that she didn’t really describe them any other way. So why was she saying that now, in front of all these people who didn’t really like her? Had she wanted to say that on the phone, or did he really scare her that bad? Did she mean it platonically or romantically? He didn’t even know when he said it if it was platonic or romantic, how was he supposed to figure out Greenland of all people? 

“Oh Lovi! That’s wonderful, are you two going to start dating now? I owe France ten euros.” Spain started and Romano sputtered.

“You placed bets on us?” Spain laughed at his question.

“France was absolutely sure that you two were smitten with each other, but I wasn’t so sure, but now I see that I was wrong.” Spain went on. 

“Fuck you you tomato bastard! I’m not smitten! Pay attention to your own life!” Romano yelled at him feeling his cheeks and ears burning. Spain continued to laugh and ruffled his hair but there were tears in his eyes. 

“We’re so glad you’re okay Lovi.” Spain whispered and Romano looked down not wanting to see him cry over him again.

“Yeah whatever, keep your tears to yourself ya sappy bastard.” He grumbled. His eyes were heavy and his arms ached. 

“Oh! Romano, you missed the football game scores, do you want to watch the highlights of the match?” Vene asked and Romano brightened back up.

“What? Of course! Bring it over here!” He told his brother who came over and gave him his phone so they could watch the highlights of the match. Spain came over and pointed some things out, Prussia eventually seemed to lighten up and started talking about how the German’s were better which led to an argument about who had the best football team. The normalcy washed over him. This is what he needed. He felt comfortable enough among all the shouting to fall asleep.

* * *

When he woke up it was dark, the lights were off and the windows’ only lights were the bright dots of street lights. Vene and Germany were laying on the couch asleep, Spain curled up on the floor with a blanket covered in American footballs. France for some fucking reason was leaning asleep on the shelves coming up from the floor. Prussia was awake sitting in the chair next to Romano’s bed scrolling through his phone looking shittier than Romano had ever seen him. His hair was a mess and his face was stuck in a scowl. Even with only the light from the phone Romano could see the dark bags under his eyes, made more obvious by his pale skin. Looking closer Romano realized Prussia wasn’t scrolling through his own phone, but Romano’s.

“The fuck are you doing?” Romano hissed at the man whose only reaction was to close his eyes and turn the phone off. Romano didn’t hold nearly as many negative feelings towards Prussia as he did with Germany, after all, Vene didn’t hang off Prussia like he was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Prussia was also nicer than Germany, in an asshole way. He was better at showing he cared at least, and had accepted Romano as family just because Germany was trying to date Vene. Well even before that he had been nice to Romano because he was close to Spain. It was clear he preferred Vene over Romano but everyone did besides Greenland. He was also still German who had been assholes to Italy in the past and if Romano didn’t act prejudiced against Prussia for being German then his whole act for disliking Germany would fall apart and he’d have to admit he was just jealous of how happy Germany managed to make Vene. Which would never happen. But still, he didn’t want the Prussian going through his phone! “Give me that.” Romano said and Prussia handed him the phone keeping his arm close to the bed so Romano didn’t have to move his arm much. Romano opened the phone to see what Prussia had been looking at. It opened to reveal old texts between Romano and Greenland. They weren’t really texts Romano had wanted anyone else to see. Him complaining about his family, talking about how much he hated himself, and whining about how bad he felt. Greenland being endlessly patient, telling him that he was worth it, that he was useful, that he was special, that he was wanted. At first she would tell him about how Vene and Spain would miss him, but since that hardly ever got through to him she would talk about how she needed him. He knew about her detailed note keeping of everything going on in everyone’s life and she took that skill to her personal life and would write out in detail examples of when she needed him. 

“She knew. She knew what you were doing to yourself and she knew what you were going to do. And she didn’t tell us.” Prussia said, his voice sounded rough. Romano wondered if he had been drinking.

“Of course not, I didn’t want you all to know. I didn’t even want her to know.” Romano responded, rolling his eyes.

“But we’re your family, we’re the ones near you!” Prussia snapped causing Romano to flinch without wanting to. Germany shifted in his sleep. Prussia kept his eyes on the floor. “What if you tried this while she was in Greenland? Who would find you then? Apparently we don’t know where to fucking look, we were looking for days and it only took her one. She obviously wasn’t trying hard to stop you. She just let you mutilate yourself.” Prussia went on and red hot anger filled Romano’s stomach.

“I’m not some fucking pet you have to watch over, I can take care of myself--”

“Obviously you can’t! You were alone for a couple days and now you’re stuck in the hospital. If you think taking care of yourself means cutting open your arms every time you feel bad then you’re not qualified to take care of yourself.” Prussia went on, his words were harsh and so was his tone but his eyes were shiny as he whipped his head up to stare at Romano.

“It’s my body, I can do what I want with it.” Romano snapped back and Prussia tsked and rolled his eyes.

“That’s exactly what she said! Did you guys trade tips or something?” Prussia said and it took a moment for Romano to understand what he was talking about. Greenland. It was still hard to put together the idea of Greenland and cutting. She was so put together, at least he had thought she was. He had seen the cracks in her exterior before, he knew she was lonely, and he knew she struggled hard with trust and control. But he hadn’t imagined her to be so similar to him. “You better not have been sharing razors or knives or whatever the fuck you used.” Prussia grumbled and the anger was back.

“You don’t know shit about Greenland. She’s been trying to convince me to quit ever since she found out. She gives me advice on how to stop and she makes sure the wounds don’t get infected.” Prussia huffed at Romano’s statement.

“Yeah and I’m sure while she was typing all that out she was cutting open her own arms, I’m sure that really convinced you.” Romano gritted his teeth trying to keep his anger under control, he didn’t want to wake everyone in the room or piss Prussia off to the point where he got violent.

“I had no idea about that until the meeting.” His statement didn’t seem to pacify Prussia at all.

“So it was her that pushed you over the edge! Not only did she respond to your confession too late but she dumped her problems onto you when you clearly couldn’t handle them.” 

“Shut the fuck up! You better not have been saying that horse shit to her. My actions are my own fault. I did it! End of story! You want to be mad at someone then be mad at me.” Romano snapped, Spain mumbled something under his breath and rolled over.

“I’m not mad at you, you’re the one who is hurting! You’ve been hurting for a long time and no one did anything about it, we didn’t even notice. And then there’s Greenland, who did notice and she didn’t tell anyone who could actually help! She didn’t do anything except make it worse, just like she does with Mattie! Just like she does with America! Everything I see about her is just her being a cold bitch--”

“Fuck you! How the fuck could you read those texts and actually think she made things worse? Having someone actually listen to me fucking helped! Having someone who would drop everything just to make sure I was okay fucking helped! Knowing someone actually gave a damn about me and not just Vene fucking helped! I don’t give a shit what those other bastards told you about her because I actually know her! I hear the shit she says about those two too and your boyfriend doesn’t sound that great from that perspective either, why don’t we talk about that huh?” Romano went off. He couldn’t help it. Prussia didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. This was Romano’s life, he knew who was helpful and who wasn’t. 

“Romano? What’s going on?” Spain asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

“Romano, listen, I’m not trying to pick a fight with you. But from where I’m at and what I’ve seen and heard, that girl is not good for you. She’s an enabler. I want you to be okay, and I don’t think that can happen with her around, she has too many of her own issues to work out.” Prussia said with a forced calm, Romano could hear the strain in Prussia’s voice. 

“I don’t care that she has issues, I’ll help her just like she’s been helping me. I’m not just going to abandon her because she’s got problems.” Romano scoffed.

“But you’ll abandon us because you have problems.” Spain said, it was said very quietly and Romano was sure he wasn’t meant to hear it but he did. He felt like Spain had slapped him. 

“I wasn’t trying to abandon you! I just…” Romano couldn’t find the words. He didn’t really think of it as abandoning at the time because he had convinced himself that they didn’t care. That they would be better off without stupid Romano weighing them down with his idiocy and cowardice. “I thought it would be better for everyone.” He finished lamely knowing that he was going to get an earful for it, and an earful he did get.

“How could you possibly think that? Who would I garden with? Who would I play with the turtles with? Who would help Italy with running the country? Who would take Germany down a peg or two once and a while? Who would be the voice of reason when Prussia, France, and I go to the bar? Who would help us with our fashion sense? Who would make us laugh? Who would be there to pick us back up again when we fell? We all need you Romano so, so much! The world would never be as bright with you not in it.” Spain went on, getting up and coming over to Romano’s bed and cupping his cheek while tears ran down Spain’s face. Romano had to swallow a lump in his throat. 

“You’re such a sappy bastard.” Romano responded. Spain chuckled. 

“But it’s true. We were all worried out of our minds when we couldn’t find you, Germany even ended canceling the end of the meeting.” Spain added. Romano was surprised, he didn’t think that uptight bastard would cancel a meeting for anything, let alone him. 

“Whatever, I’m not going to stop being friends with Greenland, that’s final.” Romano said getting back to the point. Spain still had his hand on his face, it was nice and warm. He was failing to resist the urge to lean into it. 

“That’s fine, but you can’t depend on her and her only anymore. It’s not fair to either of you. One problem between you two and you both ended up in the hospital. We’re here for you Roma, you can talk to us. About anything, anything at all.” Spain said gently. “Greenland has to learn that too. And she will, you both will. We’re going to get past this.” Romano nodded his head even though he didn’t really agree. Sure for the next few weeks these four were going to be extra clingy around him and treat him like an autumn leaf but they’d get tired of it and things would go back to normal. They’d leave him alone, remember how annoying he was. Make their subtle insults and slights. He just had to wait and enjoy what he could while he could. 

* * *

Around lunch time the only other person in the room was Vene, who as Romano had expected, could not be pried from his side with a crowbar. His brother was reluctant to use the bathroom without him. So while the others went to procure food his brother rambled to him about all the different hotels they had seen on their search for him. Romano couldn’t find enough energy to actually listen. Prussia had been moody, but very nice, too nice. He was jumping up to do any and every little thing for Romano, even helping him to the bathroom, which he didn’t need because his legs were just fine damnit. Germany seemed to have sensed that Prussia’s behavior was starting to irritate Romano and had convinced him to help him figure out their lunch. Spain had gone with, excited to see if they had anything good. Romano personally was fine, but he had already eaten, he got room service which was pretty neat. France had been there a few times, he was apparently going back and forth between rooms to check on them. He had actually been pretty civil for once, he barely had tried to touch Romano and mostly just listened to the others ramble. He’d throw in a joke every now and then but that was all. It was weird to see him so subdued. 

The sound of wheels came by in the hallway and Romano didn’t think much of it until Greenland appeared with her little IV pole and bag. She looked slightly healthier, less gray at least. She didn’t seem as shaky either. Vene stopped talking and looked at her with a strained smile and Romano didn’t miss the way his brothers eyes kept darting to her arms. Greenland didn’t seem to care and went over to the chair by Romano’s bed and sat in it and turned to stare at Romano. Her eyes started with his bandaged arms and trailed to his thighs, then she looked at her hands before looking into his eyes. 

“How are you?” She asked, with her stupid netural voice. He knew she couldn’t relax with Vene there but he wished she would. If they were going to have a serious conversation he’d like to actually understand what she was feeling without having to use all of his focus to see if her lip twitched.

“Fine, tired as hell but I’m sick of sleeping.” He said.

“I never thought I’d see the day.” She responded, still with that voice. If he didn’t know her he would have taken that as an insult. But he did know her and he knew she was making a joke.

“Yeah yeah. You know you should try it. Sleep I mean. You look like shit.” He told her. She tucked her hair behind her ear, a sign that something he said had bothered her slightly. 

“You make it look easy. Sleep.” She said.

“What, the hospital too loud for you? You don’t find the constant beeping comforting?” He joked. 

“I can’t get the blood out from under my fingernails.” She said instead surprising him. She was looking at her hands again, digging under her short fingernails causing a quiet clicking noise. “Sometimes I smell blood. It makes me too nauseous to eat.” She continued, all in that neutral voice.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, because he hadn’t meant for that to happen. 

“I ruined a third set of America’s clothes. He said it was fine. I ruined your favorite business jacket, I’m sorry about that.” She went on, she still wasn’t looking at him, just digging at her fingernails. 

“I didn’t know you had a favorite jacket, which one was it? We can buy a new one!” Vene added.

“The black Bonobos wool one? It’s just a jacket, I don’t care.” He told her. Something was wrong, he could tell, but he didn’t know what. Was she just shaken from his attempt? Was there something else going on?

“It was expensive.” She responded. “I didn’t want to take you to a hospital.” She added out of nowhere. Vene looked struck but Romano got it. “I tried to make America stay in the car but he insisted on coming in. And there was so much blood, more than you usually have. My hands were too shaky to do the stitches well. And there were too many that needed stitches, I used all my butterflies. I really tried to take care of it without them finding out.” She went on and Vene was snapped out of his shock.

“You really wouldn’t have told us?” There was a lot of hurt in Vene’s voice, but there was also anger. Greenland looked up at Vene.

“It wasn’t my secret to share.” Her face was as blank as her voice. Romano had always liked that about Greenland, she was ride or die as the Americans had started putting it. She kept his secrets as if they were as dire as her own. She wasn’t one who was going to start blabbing to any person who gave her puppy dog eyes, he doubted they could get them out of her if they put a gun to her head. 

“My brother almost died!” Vene shouted, anger starting to take more place in his tone. Romano flinched. It was rare for Vene to ever get mad enough to be verbal about it. Normally he just got slightly passive aggressive so he could keep his smile up. Greenland for her part didn’t react at all. 

“And if he would have wanted you to know then he would have told you. As it was you do know. And for that I apologize to South Italy, as it wasn’t my place for you to have found out through my actions.” She responded. She had folded her hands neatly in her lap but he saw the way her nails were digging into her skin. Despite her appearance this conversation was upsetting her.

“Greenland I get it, you did everything you could. I’m not mad at you.” He told her, hoping that would ease off some of her worries but he saw her nails dig in deeper. Vene was shaking and biting down hard on his lip. “Enough about that, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you in the hospital?” He asked, hoping to derail the situation.

“I was poisoned. Someone put a large amount of cadmium into something I ate. America called in his nation’s specialist for both of us. He’s working on flushing it out of my system but it’s taking some time. The amount would have killed a human within hours.” She said and Romano gaped. He had been expecting something bad but not poison! 

“Who the fuck posioned you?” He screeched. She shrugged. “Well there’s an investigation going on right?” He pushed.

“Yes, my boss is not pleased with this turn of events. He gave me permission to stay here in America until they find out who did it.” She explained. 

“Why did the hospital take you in anyway? Did they take one look at you and just decided you needed to be checked in?” He asked. She shifted slightly.

“While you were getting your transfusion I passed out in the hallway.” Her uncomfortableness about the admission made sense to him, she hated being seen as weak and she would take that as a sign of weakness.

“I’m guessing the assholes you call a family are up in arms about this?” He asked. He was trying to move past the subject so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable. However this question caused her to shift again.

“In their own way.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “England is very upset about the whole thing and insists that he comes home with me. France also wants to come over but he claims it’s because he’s never seen my house before. Canada is… distracted.” He waited for her to finish but it became clear she wasn’t going to add more without prompting.

“The fuck is he distracted by, someone tried to fucking kill you! And what about that burger bastard?” She cringed and now he knew that something was really wrong because she normally never would have done that around Vene. 

“Canada is having relationship issues. America… America shut down. No one is talking about it unless to complain about how unhelpful he’s being. He won’t leave the hospital. He…” She stopped and took a deep breath through her nose. “It’s nothing for you to worry about right now, you should focus on healing.” He hadn’t expected that, normally she would talk all about her family to him. It must have been Vene. 

“Vene, can you get me some of those shitty chocolates from the vending machine?” he asked. Vene hopped right up and hesitated in the doorway for a moment before disappearing. “Now tell me, what the fuck is going on?” 

“You’re in a lot of pain, I shouldn’t burden you further.” She said.

“Fuck you, I know how much I can handle. Tell me.” He told her.

“Prussia believes that I’m a bad influence, a manipulator. He believes your actions are my fault and that I should stay away from you and the rest of my family. Canada isn’t very happy with that view. They’ve been arguing, sometimes through text and sometimes in my room when they think I’m asleep. America is practically dead to the world, he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t speak, and he doesn’t sleep. England is convinced that he can stop me from cutting forever. France is very down, he’s pretending to be happy but it’s very clear that he doesn’t have much energy.” She explained. 

“Fuck Prussia, you know that’s bullshit right?” He said. She remained quiet. “Greenland, tell me you know that’s bullshit.” He pushed.

“But it’s not. I knew you were already stressed, I knew how you would feel if I told you about the cutting and the thoughts but I told you anyway. And you did exactly what I thought you would.” She said, her voice straining. He felt his stomach twist.

“That’s still not your fault. I should have been able to handle it, you were hurting and I ran away.” He responded.

“It’s not your fault that you couldn’t handle it. It’s not your responsibility to help me. You need to take care of yourself first.” She said and he huffed.

“Said the girl who passed out trying to help me.” 

“That’s different.” She protested. 

“No it’s not.”

“You were dying.”

“So were you!”

“You didn’t know that.”

“Neither did you! You just assumed!” He yelled at her.

“I knew! I knew for years what you would do! And I knew what would cause it and I did it anyway! It’s my fault! It’s all my fault…” She shouted back and she was shaking again. Vene walked back in slowly with a tentative smile on his face and Romano knew that he had been listening for at least a moment. Romano glared at him before turning to look at Greenland. 

“You didn’t make me do shit, you’ve been trying to get me to quit for years now. It was my choice.” He said very sternly. 

“That I knew you’d make.”

“You didn’t know shit, you just thought of the worst because that’s what you do. Stop blaming yourself.” He ordered. She stayed quiet for a few minutes. Vene handed Romano his chocolate and he set it on the table. 

“You want to know something funny?” She asked. He grunted in response. He didn’t really like that she was changing the topic but he wasn’t going to push it.

“Canada believes I abandoned him. That’s what he told Prussia.” She said and Romano barked out a laugh. She had told him about what it was like at England’s house, and how after America and England started fighting Canada started ducking out more and more leaving Greenland there to deal with England herself. How he barely came over to visit when it was just her and England afterwards. How could she have abandoned him when she couldn’t even leave the fucking house? Vene looked confused.

“Shit,” Romano said, dragging out the word. “Damn Greenland, I guess you better apologize for being locked in a house against your will for over a hundred years.” 

“I suppose so.” She said before pausing and looking down at her arms. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, and he knew what she meant. He did, but he didn’t want to upset her worse than she already was. He looked to Vene, her eyes followed his and she shrugged.

“When did you start?” He asked.

“Sometime in the mid to late 1700’s.” She answered and his eyes widened. He had been doing it for around fifty years and he thought that was a long time, but Greenland…

“So you didn’t get the idea from me?” She shook her head. “Can I see?” He asked, slightly hesitant. She gave him her arm and he looked it over. His first assessment had been right. The cuts were shorter and more precise. They were layered, scars on top of scars. Some were old and white, barely visible while some were thick and slightly puffy. Then there were the ones that were still angry and red that had been done within the last two weeks. “Is this all of them?” He asked.

“No, there are some all down my leg, some on my stomach and hips, my chest and breasts. The only place they really aren’t is my face, feet, and back.” She said Romano blanched. He had some on his arms and thighs and stomach, but his chest? He had never really thought of it, and he didn’t like cutting on his stomach much so there were barely any there. “Would you like to see those as well?” She asked. He was seeing another part of  Greenland that he never had before. He had always taken her stubbornness in layers and covering up modesty but now he was getting a chance to see another side of her she didn’t let out. Which wasn’t to say he was happy she was cutting herself, or that he found it sexy, which he did not. But it was like a new door had been opened to him and he wanted to see it. He sat up and she stood up and pulled her dressing gown up to reveal her right leg up to her upper thigh and she hadn’t been lying. There were small cut scars all over her leg, mostly above the knee but a few below. Her knee itself was covered too, and her thigh had big raised scars on it. She moved to her other leg and it was the same amount just in different places, still the most centered on the knee. Then she surprised the crap out of him by lifting the entire front of the dressing gown, with her back to Vene, to show him her stomach, chest, and breasts. There were less there, although the lines on her stomach were longer. The lines on her breasts could almost be mistaken for stretch marks. The ones on her chest he had to get close to and he put his hand to rub over them, they were very faint but there was still a small ridge. Her skin was warm. He went to the scars on her stomach and felt them. 

“Ahem. Are we interrupting something?” Germany asked and Romano just about jumped out of his skin and jerked his hand back. Greenland for her part did not react except to turn her head.

“No.” She turned back to Romano. “Are you done looking?” She asked and he nodded, beat red, and she put her dressing gown back down. Vene latched onto Germany whispering into his ear while Spain was smiling ear to ear.

“My little Lovi is in love, what could be better?” Spain sighed. 

“Shut the fuck up tomato bastard! We weren’t doing anything weird!” Romano snapped. Spain just laughed and came over to ruffle his hair. 

“Relax Romano! There’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all would get bored and lonely in a hospital. It’s perfectly normal to ask for a feel of your lover.” Spain went on and Romano sputtered trying to explain that it wasn’t anything like that. Prussia hadn’t returned with them. “You know, we could all leave, distract the doctors and nurse so you two could get a little alone time?” Spain suggested and Romano could only make gibberish sounds.

“Why would you need to distract the doctors and nurses to give us alone time?” Greenland asked and Romano put his face in his hands despite the pain because he couldn’t take this.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were into that Greenland.” Spain said.

“Into what?” Greenland asked.

“Greenland! There you are! You’re not supposed to leave your room, that bloody idiot can’t do anything.” England shouted and Romano looked up to see an annoyed british man with a shy Canadian and a grumpy Prussian. Greenland turned to face England before turning back to Romano and carefully brushing the hair out of his face. 

“See you tomorrow.” She said and she walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, I'd love to hear it! Stay safe, healthy, and have a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and have a great day :3


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